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One More Minute Weird Al Yankovic I'm glad that you found somebody new, 'Cause I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass, Than spend one more minute with you. I guess I might seem kinda bitter. Why Does This Always Happen To Ne Weird Al Yankovic By Al Yankovic I was watching my TV one night when they broke in with a special report About some devastating earthquake in Peru There were thirty thousand crushed to death, even more were buried Why Does This Always Happen To Me? Weird Al Yankovic I was watching my TV one night when they broke in with a special report About some devastating earthquake in Peru There were thirty thousand crushed to death, even more were buried alive On the Richter Another One Rides the Bus Weird Al Yankovic We're already packed in like sardines, But we're stoppin' to pick up more. Look out! Another one rides the bus-ah. Another one rides the bus-ah. And another comes on, And another comes on. I Can't Watch This Weird Al Yankovic Wanna cover my eyes and plug my ears It sucks, and that's no lie It's about as much fun as watching paint dry Lowers my IQ one notch And that's the reason why, uh, I can't watch I told you Christmas at Ground Zero Weird Al Yankovic sirens blare It's Christmas at Ground Zero The button has been pressed The radio just let us know That this is not a test Everywhere the atom bombs are droppin' It's the end of all humanity No more Gandhi II Weird Al Yankovic No more Mr. Passive Resistance. He's out to kick some butt. This is one bad mother. You don't want to mess with him. "Don't move, slimeball." He's a one-man wrecking crew. Dog Eat Dog Weird Al Yankovic I'll have some coffee with a carcinogenic sweetener Hold on a minute, just one more jelly donut They'll never miss it...No, they'll never miss it! Young, Dumb, and Ugly Weird Al Yankovic three-day stubble, our name spells trouble T-R-U-B-E-L Raisin' hell, bending the rules just a little We're living only for thrills We squeeze our toothpaste tubes from the middle And wait until the last minute The Brandy Bunch Weird Al Yankovic Say, you can watch 60 minutes, Even Captain Kangaroo, But there's only one set, So whatever you watch Well, you know I gotta watch it too. Confessions Part III Weird Al Yankovic Watch this These are my confessions Just when I thought I said all I can say I came up with more secrets to tell you today These are my confessions Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me So Traffic Jam Weird Al Yankovic Traffic Jam I haven't moved one inch from this here spot Traffic Jam The freeway's one big parking lot Traffic Jam My radiator's boiling hot And I'm stuck right here in the middle (right here in The Brady Bunch Weird Al Yankovic can watch Johnny Carson You can watch Phil Donahue And you can use TV Guide to help you decide With capsulized review Say, you can watch 60 Minutes Even Captain Kangaroo But there's only one Albuquerque [2] Weird Al Yankovic Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel But I made a a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought Cavity Search Weird Al Yankovic novocaine Help me out here 'Cause I'm so severe Pain Please stop for a bit Let me rinse and spit Numb me, drill me Floss me, bill me You validate my parking I think that I'm okay But you make one Spam Weird Al Yankovic Carry some money to help you buy more. The tab is there to open the can. The can is there to hold in the spam. Oh, spam on the table at home. Dare To Be Stupid Weird Al Yankovic Put down your chainsaw and listen to me It's time for us to join in the fight It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys It's time to let the bedbugs bite You better put all your eggs in one This Is The Life Weird Al Yankovic Who could ask for more? This is the life! You're dead for a real long time. You just can't prevent it. So if money can't buy happiness, I guess I'll have to rent it. Fat Weird Al Yankovic 'Cause I'm the king of cellulite Ham on, ham on, ham on whole wheat, all right My zippers bust, my buckles break I'm too much man for you to take The pavement cracks when I fall down I've got more Couch Potato Weird Al Yankovic [Intro] Look, if you had one shot To sit on your lazy butt And watch all the TV you ever wanted Until your brain turned to mush Would you go for it or just let it slip? Couch Potato (Parody of "Lose Yourself" by Eminem) Weird Al Yankovic Look - if you had - one shot - To sit on your lazy butt And watch all the TV you ever wanted Until your brain turned to mush Would you go for it Or just let it slip? Living With a Hernia Weird Al Yankovic tender location Living with a hernia Had enough humiliation Living with a hernia Got to have an operation I live with a hernia Can't get up, can't bend over Now I live with a hernia Wait a minute Jerry Springer "Weird Al" Yankovic It's been one week since we got to see Cheatin' lovers and cousins that marry Five days since they had the show With the hermaphrodite, the slut, and the crack ho Three days since we heard the tale Party Dt The Leper Colony Weird Al Yankovic PARTY AT THE LEPER COLONY by Al Yankovic Finger food and an ice cold keg It won't cost you an arm and a leg Dance all night to a rotten band Come on, people, let's give 'em a hand Saturday night Party at the leper colony Weird Al Yankovic leper colony Oh, there's a party at the leper colony Hey, hey Hey now, buddy, don't you give me no lip Sorry I was using your head for dip There's a guy in the hot tub, I don't know who Wait a minute Close But No Cigar Weird Al Yankovic And I loved her more than Marlon Brando loved souffle. She was gorgeous, she was charming, yeah she was perfect in every way. Eat It Weird Al Yankovic of food you hate You won't get no dessert 'till you clean off your plate So eat it Don't you tell me you're full Just eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it Get yourself an egg and beat it Have some more One of Those Days Weird Al Yankovic Got to work late 'cause my alarm was busted The boss chewed me out and everybody's disgusted 'Cause it's just one of those days It's just one of those days I lost one of my socks in the drier Genius In France Weird Al Yankovic By Al Yankovic I'm not the brightest crayon in the box Everyone says I'm dumber than a bag of rocks I barely even know how to put on my own pants But I'm a genius in France (yeah), genius in France Trapped In The Drive - Thru Weird Al Yankovic And two medium root beers No, just one, we'll split it." Then I said "I'm guessin' that You're probably not too bright... So read me back my order Let's make sure you got it right."