Jillian was her name, she was sweeter than aspartame. Her kisses reconfigured my DNA and after that, I never was the same. And I loved her more than Marlon Brando loved souffle. She was gorgeous, she was charming, yeah she was perfect in every way. Except she was always using the word infer, when she obviously meant imply. And I know some guys would put up with that kinda thing, but frankly, I can't imagine why, and I told her I said
Hey! Are we playin' horseshoes honey, no I don't think we are. You're close, but no cigar.
Then I met sweet young Janet, prettiest thing on the planet. Had a body hotter than a habanjero, she had lips like a ripe pomergranite. And I was crazy like Manson about her, she got me all choked up like Momma Cass. She had a smile so incredibly radiant, you had to watch it through a piece of smoked glass. I thought after all these years of searchin' around, I found my soul mate finally. But one day I found out she actually owned a copy, of Joe Dirt on DVD, oh no! I said
Hey! Are we lovin' hand grenades kiddo, no I don't think we are. You're close! Oh so very close. Yeah, baby you're close, so close, but no cigar!
Julie played water polo. She wore a ribbon on her left manolo. She had me sweatin' like Nixon every time she was there, my heart was beatin' like a Buddy Rif solo. And she was every thing I've dreamed of, she moved right up to number 1 on my list. And did I mention she's a world famous billionaire bikini, super model astrophysicist. Yeah, she was so pretty she made Charlize Theron, look like a big fat slobbering pig! The only caveat is one of her earlobes
was just a little tiny bit too big, oh no, I said
Hey! Are we doin' government work here, no I don't think we are. You're close! So very very close! Aw, baby you're close, so close, but no cigar.