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I Was Only Kidding Weird Al Yankovic (I was only kidding) I was only kidding (I was only kidding) I was only kidding (I was only kidding) Now I'm sorry if you misunderstood, but the fact remains (I was only kidding) I was only kidding Close But No Cigar Weird Al Yankovic Jillian was her name, she was sweeter than aspartame. Her kisses reconfigured my DNA and after that, I never was the same. And I loved her more than Marlon Brando loved souffle. Generic Blues Weird Al Yankovic I woke up this morning Then I went back to bed Said I woke up this morning Then I went right back to bed Got a funny kind of feelin' like I got broken glass in my underwear And a herd of wild pigs Jackson Park Express Weird Al Yankovic Tuesday morning, 815 I was riding to work on the Jackson Park Express Seemed like any other day Then my whole world changed In a way I never could have guessed Cause she walked in Took the seat right across The Brady Bunch Weird Al Yankovic You can watch Johnny Carson You can watch Phil Donahue And you can use TV Guide to help you decide With capsulized review Say, you can watch 60 Minutes Even Captain Kangaroo But there's only Midnight Star Weird Al Yankovic I was waiting in the express lane with my twelve items or less, At the checkout counter at the local grocery store. The Brandy Bunch Weird Al Yankovic Say, you can watch 60 minutes, Even Captain Kangaroo, But there's only one set, So whatever you watch Well, you know I gotta watch it too. Confessions Part III Weird Al Yankovic now I gotta give you part three of my confessions First I told you 'bout the skank that I was cheatin' with (with) Then I mentioned she's havin' my kid That's not all, now I recall more, you see So When I Was Your Age Weird Al Yankovic When I was your age When I was your age. Skipper Dan Weird Al Yankovic I starred in every high school play Blew every drama teacher away I graduated first in my class at Juilliard Took every acting workshop I could And I dreamed of Hollywood While I read my Uta Hagen and The Biggest Ball Of Twine In Minnesota Weird Al Yankovic huge majestic sphere I was just so overwhelmed by its sheer imensity, I had to pop myself a beer Yes, on these hallowed grounds, open ten to eight on weekdays, in a little shrine under a make-shift Craigslist Weird Al Yankovic for my old wheelbarrow And a slightly-used sombrero And I'll even throw in a stapler, if you insist Craigslist I'm on Craigslist, baby, come on Yeah Well, we shared a quick glance Saturday at the mall I Do I Creep You Out Weird Al Yankovic I know that you Don't know me very well We've barely met But I can surely tell No one will ever Love you like I do I like to feel The warm spot on your chair Sometimes I drool And usually Albuquerque [1] Weird Al Yankovic Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop You know the place well anyway, back then The Hot Rocks Polka Weird Al Yankovic The Hot Rocks Polka [/The Rolling Stones] [It's Only Rock 'n' Roll (But I Like It)] If I could stick my hand in my heart, Spill it all over the stage, Would it satisfy you, would it slide on by She Never Told Me She Was a Mime Weird Al Yankovic those black leotards Well, I guess she kept her little secret pretty well Now ever since I learned the horrible truth, you know my life Has been a living hell That's right, you see... Ringtone Weird Al Yankovic Once, not very long ago, I was respected, I was popular (popular, ooh) But now I hang my head in shame (ahh, ooh) My life is filled with such regret A bad mistake I can't forget And now I'll never be the I Lost On Jeopardy Weird Al Yankovic I Lost On Jeopardy [Jeopardy/The Greg Kihn Band/1983] Ohhhhhh... I was there, to match my intellect, on national TV, Against a plumber, and an architect, both with a Ph.D. White And Nerdy Weird Al Yankovic got people begging for my top 8 spaces Yo I know Pi a thousand places Ain't got no grills but I still wear braces I order all of my sandwiches with mayonnaise I'm a whiz at minesweeper I can play for Everything You Know Is Wrong Weird Al Yankovic I was driving on the freeway in the fast lane With a rabid wolverine in my underwear When suddenly a guy behind me in the back seat Popped right up and cupped his hands across my eyes I guessed Why Does This Always Happen To Ne Weird Al Yankovic By Al Yankovic I was watching my TV one night when they broke in with a special report About some devastating earthquake in Peru There were thirty thousand crushed to death, even more were buried Why Does This Always Happen To Me? Weird Al Yankovic I was watching my TV one night when they broke in with a special report About some devastating earthquake in Peru There were thirty thousand crushed to death, even more were buried alive On the Richter That Boy Could Dance Weird Al Yankovic We all used to call him Jimmy the Geek He was a dumb-lookin', scrawny, little four-eyed freak He never used to hang around with the guys He'd just sit in the corner, attractin' the flies He wasn't Gotta Boogie Weird Al Yankovic , I went out to a party just the other night I was jammin' to the music, I was feelin' alright I was burning up the floor like a disco maniac When my woman said, "Baby, why's your hand behind you back NOW That's What I Call Polka! Weird Al Yankovic We clawed, we chained our hearts in vain We jumped never asking why We kissed, I fell under your spell A love no one could deny Don't you ever say I just walked away I will always want you I can't live I Remember Larry Weird Al Yankovic Say do you remember that guy Larry next door Well he always was the neighborhood clown Like the time he pulled my pants off and he took those color pictures And posted copies all over town Or the time weenie in a bottle Weird Al Yankovic It feels like I've been alone too long With no girls around, My mind was wondering, Thinking of some way, to release it I looked in the kitchen, Saw some crisco oil and thats when my blood started to Lame Claim To Fame Weird Al Yankovic One time I was in the checkout line Behind Steven Seagal Once I'm pretty sure Mr Jonah Hill Was in the very next bathroom stall My best friend's brother Well, he was an extra in Wayne's World 2 My neighbour's Airline Amy Weird Al Yankovic Met this pretty young stewardess on a non-stop flight She showed me to my seat and it was love at first sight Now lately I've been flying to all kinds of places That I never really wanted to go ' Good Old Days Weird Al Yankovic Oh some times I think back to when I was younger Life was so much simpler then Dad would be up at dawn He'd be watering the lawn Or maybe going fishing again Oh and mom would be fixing up something