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Callin` In Sick Weird Al Yankovic Hey I'm callin' in sick today Callin' in sick today I could shine my pennies or clean my lava lamp I could spend all day in my underwear watching "Ernest Goes to Camp" I could sit and count my hair I'm So Sick Of You Weird Al Yankovic of you What are you, in kindergarten You're belchin' everywhere, foulin'up the air Then you use my razor to shave your back hair You don't have an ounce of class You're just one big pain in the neck Phony Calls Weird Al Yankovic to harrassomeone Dial a random number up on your telephone You ask if their refrigerator is running Then you tell 'em they should go out and catch it Buddy, if they ever figured out where you were callin Baby Likes Burping Weird Al Yankovic You know my baby likes burping You know my baby's kinda nauseating [burps] My little vulgar one is so gross 'Cause when I hold her in my arms so close she goes [burps] And out in public it's Alimony Weird Al Yankovic (cheering) Here she comes now, wants her alimony Bleedin' me dry as a bony bony Workin' three jobs just to stay in debt now Well, first she took my nest egg then she took the nest I said yeah Living With a Hernia Weird Al Yankovic [Living in America/James Brown/1985] All I do is grunt and groan Hurts me to walk anywhere Went to see my physician, Dr. Ringtone Weird Al Yankovic Once, not very long ago, I was respected, I was popular (popular, ooh) But now I hang my head in shame (ahh, ooh) My life is filled with such regret A bad mistake I can't forget And now I'll never be the Polka Power "Weird Al" Yankovic I'm not sick, but I'm not well And I'm so hot, 'cause I'm in hell I'm not sick, but I'm not well And it's a sin (yes it's a sin) to live so well Ghetto superstar - that is what you are Coming from I Can't Watch This Weird Al Yankovic I can't watch this Talkin' 'bout sick shows Tere's America's Funniest Home Videos I can't believe my eyes When I see the kind of stuff that wins first prize Somebody's poor old mom Falls Skipper Dan Weird Al Yankovic I starred in every high school play Blew every drama teacher away I graduated first in my class at Juilliard Took every acting workshop I could And I dreamed of Hollywood While I read my Uta Hagen and Ricky Weird Al Yankovic You wake up little Ricky In the middle of the night. Stop shakin' your maracas now, And just turn out the light, Ricky! Trapped In The Drive - Thru Weird Al Yankovic Seven O'Clock in the evening Watchin somethin' stupid on TV I'm zoned out on the sofa When my wife comes in the room and sees me And she says "Is this 'Behind the Music' With Lynard Skynard?" Confessions Part III Weird Al Yankovic Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me Now I guess I gotta give you part three of my confessions, oh, oh Threw up on your dog the last time I had too much to drink There've been times I've peed in She Never Told Me She Was a Mime Weird Al Yankovic Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-mime I wish we both could just talk it all over But my baby won't even make a sound Now she makes everybody sick Doin' that pantomime shtick Even our old friends The Weird Al Show Theme Yankovic, "Weird Al" Oh, this is a story 'bout a guy named Al And he lived in a sewer with his hamster pal But the sanitation workers really didn't approve So he packed up his accordion and had to move To a city in Ohio The Weird Al Show Theme "Weird Al" Yankovic Oh, this is a story 'bout a guy named Al And he lived in a sewer with his hamster pal But the sanitation workers really didn't approve So he packed up his accordion and had to move To a city in Ohio Livin' In The Fridge Weird Al Yankovic There's something weird in the fridge today I don't know what it is Food I can't recognize My roommate won't throw a thing away I guess it's probably his It looks like it's alive... Genius In France Weird Al Yankovic By Al Yankovic I'm not the brightest crayon in the box Everyone says I'm dumber than a bag of rocks I barely even know how to put on my own pants But I'm a genius in France (yeah), genius in France Amish Paradise Weird Al Yankovic churned butter once or twice Living in an Amish paradise It's hard work and sacrifice Living in an Amish paradise We sell quilts at discount price Living in an Amish paradise A local boy kicked Stuck In A Closet With Vanna White Weird Al Yankovic First I'm goin' shoppin' in my underwear, Then all of sudden I'm floating in mid air. My lips fall off and everybody starts to stare. Donuts and hot dogs are flying everywhere. Traffic Jam Weird Al Yankovic And the radio's broke Cars backed up Far as you can see Seems like I've been waiting here for all eternity Oh, and just in case you're wondering I'll tell you where I am I'm right here (right here Ebay Weird Al eBay by Al Yankovic NOTE: A special HTML-Links Version of \"eBay\" lyrics is available. Lyrics: Yeah A used ... pink bathrobe A rare ... mint snowglobe A Smurf ... Night Santa Went Crazy Weird Al Yankovic Down in the workshop all the elves were makin' toys For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death Had a rifle in his hands and cheap weenie in a bottle Weird Al Yankovic now I can't get it out (stuck my weenie in a bottle today, gonna shove it up all the way, I stuck my weenie in a bottle, oh no, i can't, just can't, someone help me out) Its turning purple, all Nature Trail to Hell Weird Al Yankovic There's a homicidal maniac who finds a Cub Scout troop, And he hacks up two or three in every scene. Please don't reveal the secret ending to your friends. Don't spoil the big surprise. Spam Weird Al Yankovic ./1988] Spam in the place where I live. (ham and pork) Think about nutrition, wonder what's inside it now. (oh boy) Spam in my lunchbox at work. Dead Car Battery Blues Weird Al Yankovic One, two, a-one, two, three, four Well I, can't go to the park I can't go to work I can't do nothin' I gotta stay in my house like a jerk How come I always lose My car has blown a fuse Oh The White Stuff Weird Al Yankovic The first one was a sweet one Second one was a blast Soon I finished off the bag, ate 'em up real fast You can see 'em in my teeth Tell it when I talk Had so many my pancreas just went into shock The Biggest Ball Of Twine In Minnesota Weird Al Yankovic this great big world, now Where'd you like to go ta" They said, "Dad, we wanna see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota" They picked the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota So the very next day Lame Claim To Fame Weird Al Yankovic One time I was in the checkout line Behind Steven Seagal Once I'm pretty sure Mr Jonah Hill Was in the very next bathroom stall My best friend's brother Well, he was an extra in Wayne's World 2 My neighbour's