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The Irish Ballad Tom Lehrer The water tasted bad for a week, And we had to make do with gin, with gin, We had to make do with gin. Rickety Tickety Tin Tom Lehrer One morning in a fit of pique Sing rickety tickety tin One morning in a fit of pique She drowned her father in the creek The water tasted bad for a week And we had to make do with gin, with gin We The Wild West Is Where I Want To Be Tom Lehrer Along the trail you'll find me lopin' Where the spaces are wide open, In the land of the old A.E.C. (yahoo!) The Wiener Schnitzel Waltz Tom Lehrer Do you remember the night I held you so tight, As we danced to the Wiener Schnitzel Waltz? Bright College Days Tom Lehrer Turn on the spigot, Pour the beer and swig it, And gaudeamus igit-ur. Here's to parties we tossed, To the games that we lost, We shall claim that we won them some day. A Christmas Carol Tom Lehrer Christmas time is here, by golly, Disapproval would be folly, Deck the halls with hunks of holly, Fill the cup and don't say "when". Poisoning Pigeons In The Park Tom Lehrer I think the loveliest time of the year is the spring. I do, don't you? Course you do. But there's one thing that makes spring complete for me, And makes ev'ry Sunday a treat for me. The Hunting Song Tom Lehrer I went and shot the maximum the game laws would allow, Two game wardens, seven hunters, and a cow. I was in no mood to trifle, I took down my trusty rifle And went out to stalk my prey. The Masochism Tango Tom Lehrer I ache for the touch of your lips, Dear, But much more for the touch of your whips, Dear. You can raise welts Like nobody else, As we dance to the Masochism Tango. In Old Mexico Tom Lehrer To the strumming of guitars, In a hundred grubby bars I would whisper "Te amo." The mariachis would serenade, And they would not shut up till they were paid. Lobachevsky Tom Lehrer Who made me the genius I am today, The mathematician that others all quote, Who's the professor that made me that way? The greatest that ever got chalk on his coat. I Wanna Go Back To Dixie Tom Lehrer I wanna go back to Dixie, Take me back to dear ol' DIxie, That's the only li'l ol' place for li'l ol' me. My Home Town Tom Lehrer I remember Dan, the druggist on the corner, 'e Was never mean or ornery, He was swell. It Makes A Fellow Proud To Be A Soldier Tom Lehrer The heart of every man in our platoon must swell with pride, For the nation's youth, the cream of which is marching at his side. Fight Fiercely, Harvard! Tom Lehrer Albeit they possess the might, Nenetheless we have the will. How we shall celebrate our victory, We shall invite the whole team up for tea (How jolly!) The Old Dope Peddler Tom Lehrer When the shades of night are falling, Comes a fellow ev'ryone knows, It's the old dope peddler, Spreading joy wherever he goes. Ev'ry evening you will find him, Around our neighborhood. We Will All Go Together When We Go Tom Lehrer When you attend a funeral, It is sad to think that sooner or later Those you love will do the same for you. Be Prepared Tom Lehrer That's the Boy Scout's marching song, Be prepared! As through life you march along. Be prepared to hold your liquor pretty well, Don't write naughty words on walls if you can't spell. When You Are Old And Gray Tom Lehrer So say you love me here and now, I'll make the most of that. Say you love and trust me, For I know you'll disgust me When you're old and getting fat. Oedipus Rex Tom Lehrer From the Bible to the popular song, There's one theme that we find right along. Of all ideals they hail as good, The most sublime is Motherhood. Elements Tom Lehrer These are the only ones of which the news has come to Ha'vard, And there may be many others, but they haven't been discavard. I Hold Your Hand In Mine Tom Lehrer The night you died I cut it off. I really don't know why. For now each time I kiss it I get bloodstains on my tie. The Ballad Of Amelia Earhart Tom McRae Hey there Amelia Earheart Queen of All the Skies When you gonna fly that plane of yours Back through time With the timing of a comet You'll be back around And we'll make bright light of it Like you never Irish Tonic me da, I said to me da I'm not fit for soldier I said to me da, I said to me da, I said to me da I'm not fit for soldier I said to me da, I said to me da, I said to me da I'm not fit for soldier For the The Ballad Of Blind Tom Elton John Say that boy's a wonderment No The kid's a freak But that kid he don't care none His black hands resting on the keys Hoppin' like a big old frog And hissin' like a train Entertaining royalty All points Twenty Points (The Ballad Of Sexual Dependency) Buffalo Tom TOM TOM Iggy And The Stooges hey little one you've got the way i ain't doing nothin' that's so important i'd like to know how you deal oh when i worry to darken if i can't get in your show i'll take my tom tom and go yeah, yeah Tom Tom Iggy Pop Hey little one You've got the way I ain't doing nothin' That's so important I'd like to know how you deal Oh when I worry to darken If I can't get in your show I'll take my tom tom and go Yeah, yeah Yeah Ballad New Model Army Ballad (Sullivan) When they look back at us and they write down their history What will they say about our generation? Ballad Ministry "Pick up the Goddamn phone I pay to hear you lie I saw you on T.V.