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She Was The Best Steve Poltz She Was The Best She had the lips of a lizard Dry to the kiss They made me sore Dry as an old paperback from the store By Louis L'Amour A western for sure She had the strength of a goat The The Fairies Came Steve Poltz came The fairies came that night The fairies came into his room Worked on a barge in Ontario The captain was a slimy f--king drunk We hit a reef, and it was scary-o The oil all leaked out, and The Ballad of Tommy and Marla Steve Poltz The Ballad of Tommy and Marla Tommy was a Hessier from the valley He was as burned out as a building from the riots He had a rockin' little girfriend named Marla She was a cocktail waitress at The Pile On The Hangover Steve Poltz Pile On The Hangover Pile on the hangover just give it to me at once Let it fall down like a curtain on my brain with a one, two punch I know I was an ass and I drank too much, my life's a damn disgrace Holliston Street Steve Poltz for dinner on Sundays He taught piano to my sister, Kath And I'd stand behind And imitate him And she would laugh And he'd get mad And if I knew then what I know now I wouldn't rush the growing Forbidden Fruit Steve Poltz my mother said, "You'd better not" Then again she always told me That I wouldn't like the taste of beer Hmm-mmm And she slid real close to me She said I need not fear I looked like I was caught Soup Steve Poltz a way to get the hell outa here He tried to find the embassy to plead his cause He was lost like Dorothy in the "Wizard of Oz" He was a Dictator target getting lots of applause Had a big white beard War Steve Poltz to the Lord Ha, give me a war 'Cause I'm so bored And I want more In a real fucking war Well I'm bored with Iran and I'm bored with Iraq Egypt and Israel and Yassir Arafat The Falklands was cool Hitchhiker Joe Steve Poltz Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom Bom, bom, bom, bom Bom, bom, bom, bom Bom, bom, bom, bom, bom Bom, bom, bom, bom Bom, bom, bom, bom I had a cousin who came from Vermont Next thing I know, that cousin was Tree Hugger Steve Poltz so polluted I could never walk barefoot, ouch On Earth day I was going to plant some trees, but I planted my ass on the couch I try to eat what's good for me, but I like Captain Crunch And an extra I Want To Learn About Love Steve Poltz I Want To Learn About Love My mouth was just as dry as the tampon dispenser In the women's bathroom at the Oceanside bus station A constipated woman barged in on me and said "Eeek! A boy! Nice Guys Finish Last Steve Poltz Nice Guys Finish Last On a grassy knoll they laid him down And I bet he's still grumbling underground On a diamond, that's where I remember him best Sticking his nose in an umpire's chest 'Cause Silver Lining Steve Poltz Silver Lining Muffin's in the toaster I got my raspberry jam My grandpa was a sailor And he came into this land And he was looking for gold A pretty hand to hold Or some cards to fold At least Skyfuckingline of Toronto Steve Poltz Skyfuckingline of Toronto Skyfuckingline of Toronto Skyfuckingline of Toronto There's a girl out there wants to bonto Beneath the skyfuckingline of Toronto You can come along with me if you want Suburbia Steve Poltz road to K-Mart for the blue light special hour And put the barrel to my head, it gives me special power In Suburbia My wife don't understand me, well she thinks that I'm a louse She don't understand The Girl With The Wandering Eye Steve Poltz The Girl With The Wandering Eye Your friend with the subwoofer blew out my tweeter At that biker party downtown But that was OK 'cause he borrowed a fuse From a leather-clad boy in the back And Single Life Steve Poltz Single Life There's a cold piece of pizza in the fridge if you want it A stale glass of beer on the table by the Playboys Did you see miss March? Kilkenny Man Steve Poltz Kilkenny Man Sure as I was borne in Ireland, I was weaned on whiskey, but raised on gin Drinkin' so long since I was born, never been so high as a kite in a storm Hey ho, whataya know, when you're Me and Eddie Vedder Steve Poltz Me and Eddie Vedder Houses of the Holy Was an album by Led Zeppelin I bought it on eight track Not on CD Fades out in the middle The way an eight track's s'posed to The way an eight track's s'posed Welcome Home Steve Poltz Welcome Home Well you walk with me outside tonight Beneath the glow of the big old tire light And in the fog the air is wet With your eyes as big as silver dollars And I hunt you laying down to Your Ghost Steve Poltz Your Ghost Last night I looked for you But, you could not be found I felt your ghost in my room Dancing all around And I tried to talk to you But, there was no reply I sat up shaking in my bed This Flood Steve Poltz This Flood It must have rained two weeks last summer When the ice cream man cancelled it was such a fuckin' bummer We were floating down the streets lying naked in a raft I was honing and practicing Ken Follet Stole My Wallet Steve Poltz Ken Follet Stole My Wallet Who stole my wallet While I was away? Rub Somebody (The Right Way) Steve Poltz Rub Somebody (The Right Way) I knew a man who came down from Kentucky And everyone would whisper, "Boy he sure is lucky" He'd go to church every Sunday and have breakfast at Stuckey's He rubbed somebody My Boyfriend Steve Poltz My Boyfriend My boyfriend, he's so sexy He takes me all the way to Mexico Oh-ooh-whoa-ooh-whoa He don't care if I dance with other fellas He's a gentle bear, he ain't a big gorilla, no Oh-ooh-whoa-ooh-whoa The Great Mystery Steve Poltz The Great Mystery What do you see in him? Is it the same you saw in me? Is your head alright? Did you bump into a tree? Rioting Steve Poltz all the beer and diapers And don't forget the windshield wipers Fifty pairs, who cares? Football Tonite (WTOP) Steve Poltz Football Tonite (WTOP) Sweep up the kitchen Hurry and do the dishes Bring me a beer mab' I'll let you go out with your other bitches Sweep up the kitchen Could you turn off the goddamn lights? Kicking Distance Steve Poltz Kicking Distance Well there's wine on the page And my heart's enraged And I must call the cops on myself And my bony hands Probe the bed for your body But I'm left once again on the shelf Well Me Not Got No Slow Metabolism Steve Poltz Me Not Got No Slow Metabolism Me not got no slow metabolism Every Wednesday night I go to catacism They give me lots of doughnuts I get yelled at by the grown-ups Me not got no slow metabolism