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Unrequited To The Nth Degree Loudon Wainwright III Hey there's going to be a photograph with my obituary You're gonna see it and you'll cry You're gonna wanna wear black Hey I'll be dead but you can bet your life, I'm gonna get you back I'm tired of being The Doctor Loudon Wainwright III I went to the doctor and the doctor said Son you look older than me and I'm 71 You're falling apart and not living right I went to the doctor and the doctor said Loud, you've got to stop hanging out With The Picture Loudon Wainwright III There are pictures on the piano, pictures of the family, Mostly my kids but there's an old Picture of you and me. The Home Stretch Loudon Wainwright III If the day off doesn`t get you Then the bad reviewer does At least you`ve been a has been And not just a never was And you know it`s not a mountain But no mole hill is this big And you promise to quit Come A Long Way (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III We've come a long way since we last shook hands Still got a long way to go We couldn't see the flowers since we last shook hands Couldn't see the flowers on account of the snow What did you do with your Dead Skunk Loudon Wainwright III of the road Dead skunk in the middle of the road Dead skunk in the middle of the road Stinkin` to high heaven Take a whiff on me that ain`t no rose Roll up yer window and hold yer nose You don`t The World Loudon Wainwright III Oh the world is a terrible place Look at the look on your face It says it all This world's appalling And we ache for outer space 'Cause the world is a terrible place And the world is a crappy old hole Drinking Song (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III a drunk to speak Straight from the heart Yeah, drunks will fight they're not afraid To kiss the mistress and make the maid It's a manly art Oh but big toll will take Blood vessels in nose will break Bags The Untitled Loudon Wainwright III you treated me bad And if there's an after life I'll gloat & I'll be glad Might be a plane crash, or some sort of OD Might be a photograph in my obituary You might see it & you'll cry a lot Might want to New Paint Loudon Wainwright III At the station you can meet her With that smile you couldn?t cheat her A woman that kind is hard to find It? Christmas Morning Loudon Wainwright III & she got a book They weren't supposed to peek but they took a little look Tell me how long will it take for the dinner to cook It's Christmas morning There are so many presents underneath the tree A Guru Loudon Wainwright III CHORUS: Down in Southern California There's a guru that is guruing there He's got 250 followers They're following him everywhere He's got all of the answers to all of the questions And he promises to make The Acid Song Loudon Wainwright III Well in no time we all were ejected, Soon we were out on the street. The sidewalk began to perspire, We had glass and dog shit at our feet. We went over to Mary's apartment Come on! Thanksgiving Loudon Wainwright III Lord every year we gather here To eat around this table Give us the strength to stomach as much As fast as we are able Bless this food to our use Though? Nocturnal Stumblebutt (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III "Well it's 3am, and so I creep Around the house 'cause you're asleep I can't sleep, I gotta smoke I think I left some in my coat No they're not there, but there's a chance I left some in a packet in my Conspiracies Loudon Wainwright III We don't believe in "You know who" But we don't let the kids know it We're parents, who are grown ups There's a line we have to toe it But we're part of a conspiracy About this bearded big fat guy Who Over The Hill Loudon Wainwright III Once you were a young man, But now you are old - you're over the hill. And you can't cross the palm of time's hand With silver and gold to make him stand still. Men Loudon Wainwright III When a ship is sinking and they lower the lifeboats And hand out the life jackets, the men keep on their coats The women and the children are the ones who must go first And the men who try to save their The End Has Begun Loudon Wainwright III We walk in your footsteps Though I've had my ups and downs And I'll stand in the silence Until I figure it out One might fall and the other will stand And one might give where the other won't bend The Kick In The Head Loudon Wainwright III Well I hear that she told you she'd been shacking up with your best friend And the kick in the head is she said that she wants to again Well they was kissin and huggin and doin it right in your bed Oh Pretty Good Day Loudon Wainwright III I slept through the night, I got through to the dawn I flipped a switch and the light went on I got out of bed and I put some clothes on Oh, it's a pretty good day so far I turned the tap, there was cold Number One Loudon Wainwright III Of all the chicks & broads & babes & bimbos I have known No one does it better than you do on the phone Midway through my busy day all through my empty night I dial your 900 number and it feels oh so right Mr. Guilty Loudon Wainwright III Call me Mr Guilty, Mr Guilty that's my name Without a doubt it's all my fault, I'm the one to blame You say that you're unhappy I do believe it's true Cause I'm the one, the no good bum That did it all Breakfast In Bed Loudon Wainwright III Well I wake up in the morning And I can't get out of bed You're lying in there with me We stay put instead I grind the beans, squeeze the juice And butter up the toast That takes about an hour Ninety minutes Muse Blues (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III I went down to the library, you know the big one way downtown I went down to the library, you know the big one way downtown I pulled out my spiral notebook and my scripto pencil These, these, these are So Damn Happy Loudon Wainwright III The sad thing is I'm so damn happy Who'd blame her if she were to slap me The sun should not shine when there's rain I should be in a lot more pain At least I should feel slightly crappy But the sad thing What Are Families For? Loudon Wainwright III He's at the wheel, she's at his side Three kids in back out for a ride Looking at houses, autumn leaves Keep hope alive, try to believe They haven't made a huge mistake And what seemed real in fact is Father/Daughter Dialogue Loudon Wainwright III [Martha] Dearest Daddy with your songs Do you hope to right your wrongs? Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder Loudon Wainwright III Absence makes the heart grow fonder And the mind begins to wander back to happier days. I guess you'd say you were taken for granted I went on and on and I raved and I ranted,oh-- My tyrannical ways. Tonya's Twirls Loudon Wainwright III When you saw those two together, you knew it wasn't hard To see that she was different, not just one of the girls, With their gliding and their sliding and their pirouettes and twirls.