Tip That Waitress Loudon Wainwright III

and sympathize with her plight Tip that waitress She's getting her masters, supporting her mom Amidst the confusion she remains cool and calm She knows exits in case of a fire or bomb She knows all the

I Can'T Stand Myself Loudon Wainwright III

I sure can pick 'em Out looking for my next victim Who will that unlucky one be?

Christmas Morning Loudon Wainwright III

took a little look Tell me how long will it take for the dinner to cook It's Christmas morning There are so many presents underneath the tree A few are for you but the rest are all for me And we gotta tip

Say That You Love Me (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III

Told you I love you Talked on the [Incomprehensible] You'd said that you like me, feel like a fool Say that you like me, that's not enough Say that you love me, I'm calling your bluff Say that you love

Kick In The Head Loudon Wainwright III

Well I hear that she told you she'd been shacking up with your best friend And the kick in the head is she said that she wants to again Well they was kissin and huggin and doin it right in your bed Oh

Sometimes I Forget Loudon Wainwright III

Sometimes I forget that you've gone You've gone, and you're not coming back And it's hard to believe that you're still not here What's left behind, disputes that fact And your bookcase still holds all

Conspiracies Loudon Wainwright III

There's a line we have to toe it But we're part of a conspiracy About this bearded big fat guy Who isn't real, who never lived Who's old, but doesn't die We went to the department store We climbed out on that

So Damn Happy Loudon Wainwright III

slap me The sun should not shine when there's rain I should be in a lot more pain At least I should feel slightly crappy But the sad thing is I'm so damn happy And the worst thing is it's so much better That

A Song Loudon Wainwright III

Here's a song For someone else to sing With a universal And generic ring It's all about the same old stuff That you like and can't get enough of How's about a minor chord right here Wasn't that rather

Ogm Loudon Wainwright III

Your new outgoing voice Sounds bright and brave and very clear now In those seconds you recorded it I guess that you felt free I started out my message With a pause that I aborted When I addressed you

Dilated to Meet You (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III

wondering when you will arrive We're wondering what you'll be We're wondering if you'll be a her Or if you'll be a he Maybe you'll arrive today Perhaps tomorrow night We're hoping you won't hurt too much And that

New Paint Loudon Wainwright III

At the station you can meet her With that smile you couldn?t cheat her A woman that kind is hard to find It?

Father/Daughter Dialogue Loudon Wainwright III

You can't undo what has been done To all your daughters and your son The facts are in and we have found That basically you're not around Dearest Daddy try as you might All you are is just uptight You sing

The Doctor Loudon Wainwright III

went to the doctor and the doctor said Son you look older than me and I'm 71 You're falling apart and not living right I went to the doctor and the doctor said Loud, you've got to stop hanging out With that

The Shit Song Loudon Wainwright III

I look like I reek And a weaker bathroom lightbulb just might take care of it `Cos the mirror shatters your illusions when you look like shit Shit comes in different colours and consistencies I guess that

Five Years Old Loudon Wainwright III

CHORUS: Happy birthday Martha, happy birthday, birthday girl I'm sorry I can't be there for that party, birthday girl But pin the tail upon the donkey in that party dress Balloons, and cake, 2 kinds of

4 X 10 Loudon Wainwright III

10 feet tall 10 feet tall and 4 feet thick granite, concrete, steel and brick protection for you, understand the little boy, the inner man boys kissed the girls then made them cry that's a man's job, that

East Indian Princess (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III

East Indian princess lives in a western dream Happy like a child, her mother is a queen You know she's safe as a cow on a Calcutta street This English way of life has got that other life beat And reading

Guru Loudon Wainwright III

CHORUS: Down in Southern California There's a guru that is guruing there He's got 250 followers They're following him everywhere He's got all of the answers to all of the questions And he promises to make

Breakfast In Bed Loudon Wainwright III

Well I wake up in the morning And I can't get out of bed You're lying in there with me We stay put instead I grind the beans, squeeze the juice And butter up the toast That takes about an hour Ninety minutes

Happy Birthday Elvis Loudon Wainwright III

Who was that tall fat man They buried in your place? Just another imitator; Plastic surgeons did his face. Happy birthday, Elvis; You still love to ball.

The Untitled Loudon Wainwright III

Oh when I die & it wont be long Oh you're gonna be sorry that you treated me wrong You're gonna be sorry that you treated me bad And if there's an after life I'll gloat & I'll be glad Might be a plane

Unrequited To The Nth Degree Loudon Wainwright III

Oh when I die and it won't be long Hey you're gonna be sorry that you treated me wrong Yeah you're gonna be sorry that you treated me bad Hey and if there's an after life I'll gloat and I'll be glad Might

Come A Long Way (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III

couldn't see the flowers since we last shook hands Couldn't see the flowers on account of the snow What did you do with your burden and your cross Did you carry it yourself or did you crack You and I know that

The Picture Loudon Wainwright III

You were five and I was six In 1952; That was forty years ago, how could it be true?

Something For Nothing Loudon Wainwright III

but it didn`t take long Songwriting`s not so hard it`s well understood Anyone can do it and everyone should And I`m sure you could write and sing something as good With some balls and a pencil I`m sure that

1994 Loudon Wainwright III

people It's not evil you're not cruel It's just a little goop polluting Your genetic swimming pool CHORUS: They can spot the culprit And magnify it on a screen Those scientists and doctors Can pinpoint that

Tonya's Twirls Loudon Wainwright III

When you saw those two together, you knew it wasn't hard To see that she was different, not just one of the girls, With their gliding and their sliding and their pirouettes and twirls.

A Father And A Son Loudon Wainwright III

And I know that I'm miserable; can't you see? I just want you to be just like me. Boys grow up to be grown men And then men change back into boys again.

Thanksgiving Loudon Wainwright III

communication's useless Don't let me drink too much wine Lord you know how I get ruthless Let us somehow get through this meal Without that bad old feeling With history and memory And home cooking we're

Career Moves Loudon Wainwright III

And it's been sixteen years now that I've written songs Over a hundred and still growing strong About drinking and hockey and flying above Again and again about unhappy love Over and over, unhappy love

Little Ship Loudon Wainwright III

Our relationship Is just a little ship That's out on a stormy sea We barely keep afloat In our leaky boat But still I'm hoping That you'll dote on me When we first set sail We thought we'd never fail

Drinking Song (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III

men sleep Like a dog, a drunk will crawl around on all fours Be he broke bum or rich rake His dinner be it bread or cake His beverage be the worse of whiskey, finest wine Puke it stinks and so it seems That

Grown Man Loudon Wainwright III

Ambivalence is the guy that you've got. He's got some problems--no, you can't solve them-- He's got some goblins that he can't exorcise.

The Home Stretch Loudon Wainwright III

small apartment And a government you give Large amounts of money to So you`re allowed to stay And rest until you`re well enough To leave again and play You are making human contact With the postcards that

Mr. Guilty Loudon Wainwright III

Call me Mr Guilty, Mr Guilty that's my name Without a doubt it's all my fault, I'm the one to blame You say that you're unhappy I do believe it's true Cause I'm the one, the no good bum That did it all

Nocturnal Stumblebutt (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III

gotta smoke I think I left some in my coat No they're not there, but there's a chance I left some in a packet in my pants Bumped into the table, just below the belt If you were a man baby you'd know how that

Number One Loudon Wainwright III

better than you do on the phone Midway through my busy day all through my empty night I dial your 900 number and it feels oh so right When I'm feelin lonely and bottled up inside I know I can aslays take that

What Are Families For? Loudon Wainwright III

can't just live, a living's earned So you use every trick you've learned You cast off siblings, you make friends Discover the receiving end You swore you'd never be a dad But that's what works, isn't that

The Man Who Couldn't Cry (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III

as all children will Then at some point his tear ducts ran dry He grew to be a man, the feces hit the fan Things got bad, but he couldn't cry His dog was run over, his wife up and left him And after that

Smokey Joe's Cafe (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III

One day while I was eating beans at Smokey Joe’s Café Sitting digging on the scene at Smokey Joe’s Café A chick came walking through the door that I had never seen before Least I’d never saw her down at

Y2k Loudon Wainwright III

A bunch of nerdy brainy guys a long way back Invented a crazy little thing they called the Univac For years now, they've been upgrading that thing It can walk & talk & count & think & it can even sing

T.S.M.N.W.A. Loudon Wainwright III

Wainwright has two w's They get that one wrong and I get the blues That old grammar school try 's Not good enough guys Wainwright has two w's One day I thought I would die When I saw with my very one eye

Down Drinking at the Bar Loudon Wainwright III

I can picture you there on that stool, drinking like a drunken fool. Yeah, you're sitting there on your ass, muttering into your glass.

Underwear Loudon Wainwright III

back into their cases We suffer slings, withstand buffets and shocks It's so clear separating then mating the socks Stretching the fitted sheet onto the bed I recall hairs we've split, blood and tears that

You Never Phone Loudon Wainwright III

You never phone you never write Hell I stopped hoping that you might You`re trying to hurt my feelings right You never phone you never write You never write you never phone I`m sorry to bitch and moan

Cobwebs Loudon Wainwright III

Krebs It's the four letter word that used to mean 'as if' And the meaning's covered in cobwebs Cobwebs Used to be a preposition then it was a conjunction Now it's used as an audible pause Oh I hate it

Over The Hill Loudon Wainwright III

Your hourglass once had a top half That was filled full of sand, but it's all trickled down.

Unhappy Anniversary Loudon Wainwright III

to remind me No way I could forget We fell in love, and then fell out Both times there was no net Unhappy Anniversary It's ten years since we met Unhappy Anniversary I cannot count the days And nights that

The Man Who Couldn'T Cry Loudon Wainwright III

had cried as all children will But at some point the tear ducts ran dry He grew to be a man & the feces hit the fan Things got bad but he couldn't cry His dog got run over, his wife up & left him After that