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The Man Who Couldn'T Cry Loudon Wainwright III There once was a man who just couldn't cry He hadn't cried for years & for years Napalmed babies & the movie 'Love Story', For New Paint Loudon Wainwright III At the station you can meet her With that smile you couldn?t cheat her A woman that kind is hard to find It? Over The Hill Loudon Wainwright III Once you were a young man, But now you are old - you're over the hill. And you can't cross the palm of time's hand With silver and gold to make him stand still. The Man Who Couldn't Cry (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III There once was a man who just couldn't cry He hadn't cried for years and for years Napalmed babies and the movie love story For instance could not produce tears As a child he had cried as all children 4 X 10 Loudon Wainwright III strange, no mystery you and I are history I put up my protective wall it's 4 feet thick and 10 feet tall 10 feet tall and 4 feet thick granite, concrete, steel and brick protection for you, understand the The Home Stretch Loudon Wainwright III If the day off doesn`t get you Then the bad reviewer does At least you`ve been a has been And not just a never was And you know it`s not a mountain But no mole hill is this big And you promise to quit Grown Man Loudon Wainwright III You got a grown man for a boyfriend, So you better treat him just like a baby. He's a saint on Sunday, he's a bum on Monday; The rest of the week he's just crazy. Men Loudon Wainwright III When a ship is sinking and they lower the lifeboats And hand out the life jackets, the men keep on their coats The women and the children are the ones who must go first And the men who try to save their The Shit Song Loudon Wainwright III When I run into friends of mine I haven`t seen in years They give me the once over then their eyes well up with tears Then they pronounce me looking great I haven`t changed a bit I flash `em back a feeble Dead Skunk Loudon Wainwright III Crossin` the highway late last night He shoulda looked left and he shoulda looked right He didn`t see the station wagon car The skunk got squashed and there you are You got yer Dead skunk in the middle Conspiracies Loudon Wainwright III We don't believe in "You know who" But we don't let the kids know it We're parents, who are grown ups There's a line we have to toe it But we're part of a conspiracy About this bearded big fat guy Who Happy Birthday Elvis Loudon Wainwright III I heard a cassette of you speaking On a telephone; From a bunker beneath Graceland, The king sits on his throne. Happy birthday, Elvis; Fifty-eight years old today. Mr. Guilty Loudon Wainwright III Call me Mr Guilty, Mr Guilty that's my name Without a doubt it's all my fault, I'm the one to blame You say that you're unhappy I do believe it's true Cause I'm the one, the no good bum That did it all The Untitled Loudon Wainwright III gonna be sorry that you treated me bad And if there's an after life I'll gloat & I'll be glad Might be a plane crash, or some sort of OD Might be a photograph in my obituary You might see it & you'll cry Something For Nothing Loudon Wainwright III twenty to ten So I sharpened a pencil then I wore down its end And now soon you`ll have something to share with your friends It took twenty minutes to write down this song Tune`s public domain but I didn`t Rufus Is A Tit Man Loudon Wainwright III Rufus is a tI' man Suckin' on hI' mamma's gland Suckin' on the nipple It's a sweeter than the ripple wine. Yes its sweeter than the wine. You Never Phone Loudon Wainwright III Sometimes I wonder ow wow ow wow ow wow What you must think of me My address and phone number must be Misty in your memory This year my birthday came and went No call was made no card was sent But I got the Unrequited To The Nth Degree Loudon Wainwright III Hey there's going to be a photograph with my obituary You're gonna see it and you'll cry You're gonna wanna wear black Hey I'll be dead but you can bet your life, I'm gonna get you back I'm tired of being Underwear Loudon Wainwright III You know when I know just how much I care When I'm carefully folding your clean underwear I see it's all worth it though sometimes it sure hurts Putting back in the bureau drawer all my t-shirts I find So Damn Happy Loudon Wainwright III The sad thing is I'm so damn happy Who'd blame her if she were to slap me The sun should not shine when there's rain I should be in a lot more pain At least I should feel slightly crappy But the sad thing Smokey Joe's Cafe (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III One day while I was eating beans at Smokey Joe’s Café Sitting digging on the scene at Smokey Joe’s Café A chick came walking through the door that I had never seen before Least I’d never saw her down at The End Has Begun Loudon Wainwright III We walk in your footsteps Though I've had my ups and downs And I'll stand in the silence Until I figure it out One might fall and the other will stand And one might give where the other won't bend The Christmas Morning Loudon Wainwright III Well the banks & the schools & the post office are closed You can park where you please and you won't get towed The streets are empty & the stores are finally closed It's Christmas morning He got a tie I Can'T Stand Myself Loudon Wainwright III I sure can pick 'em Out looking for my next victim Who will that unlucky one be? Nocturnal Stumblebutt (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III "Well it's 3am, and so I creep Around the house 'cause you're asleep I can't sleep, I gotta smoke I think I left some in my coat No they're not there, but there's a chance I left some in a packet in my T.S.M.N.W.A. Loudon Wainwright III They spelled my name wrong again With an E between the D and the N Some dope didn't know it should be an O They spelled my name wrong again Why in God's name can't they check It's a pain in the ass and Come A Long Way (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III We've come a long way since we last shook hands Still got a long way to go We couldn't see the flowers since we last shook hands Couldn't see the flowers on account of the snow What did you do with your Kick In The Head Loudon Wainwright III Well I hear that she told you she'd been shacking up with your best friend And the kick in the head is she said that she wants to again Well they was kissin and huggin and doin it right in your bed Oh Dilated to Meet You (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III you'll be a he Maybe you'll arrive today Perhaps tomorrow night We're hoping you won't hurt too much And that you'll be all right Life has a few unpleasantries We may as well confess We suppose you'll cry Drinking Song (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III Like widowed women, drunk men weep Like children curled up, drunk men sleep Like a dog, a drunk will crawl around on all fours Be he broke bum or rich rake His dinner be it bread or cake His beverage be the