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The End Has Begun Loudon Wainwright III We walk in your footsteps Though I've had my ups and downs And I'll stand in the silence Until I figure it out One might fall and the other will stand And one might give where the other won't bend The Christmas Morning Loudon Wainwright III Well the banks & the schools & the post office are closed You can park where you please and you won't get towed The streets are empty & the stores are finally closed It's Christmas morning He got a tie Drinking Song (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III worse of whiskey, finest wine Puke it stinks and so it seems That drunkards go to great extremes But there has yet to be a perfectly straight line Drunks talk strong when drunks are weak It's easy for East Indian Princess (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III East Indian princess lives in a western dream Happy like a child, her mother is a queen You know she's safe as a cow on a Calcutta street This English way of life has got that other life beat And reading Kick In The Head Loudon Wainwright III Well I hear that she told you she'd been shacking up with your best friend And the kick in the head is she said that she wants to again Well they was kissin and huggin and doin it right in your bed Oh Thanksgiving Loudon Wainwright III Lord every year we gather here To eat around this table Give us the strength to stomach as much As fast as we are able Bless this food to our use Though? T.S.M.N.W.A. Loudon Wainwright III They spelled my name wrong again With an E between the D and the N Some dope didn't know it should be an O They spelled my name wrong again Why in God's name can't they check It's a pain in the ass and The Home Stretch Loudon Wainwright III If the day off doesn`t get you Then the bad reviewer does At least you`ve been a has been And not just a never was And you know it`s not a mountain But no mole hill is this big And you promise to quit Bein' A Dad Loudon Wainwright III clothe 'em And try not to loathe 'em Bug 'em and hug 'em and heed 'em Bein' a dad can sure make you mad Man it even can drive you crazy It's as hard as it looks You gotta read them dumb books And you end The Picture Loudon Wainwright III There are pictures on the piano, pictures of the family, Mostly my kids but there's an old Picture of you and me. What Gives Loudon Wainwright III Paul & George & Ringo, just a fraction of the Fab Four Some still survive from Dave Clark's Five Washed up on the Mersey Shore Jerry has a pacemaker The hermit's name is Herman That old man's Manfred Mann So Damn Happy Loudon Wainwright III The sad thing is I'm so damn happy Who'd blame her if she were to slap me The sun should not shine when there's rain I should be in a lot more pain At least I should feel slightly crappy But the sad thing Come A Long Way (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III We've come a long way since we last shook hands Still got a long way to go We couldn't see the flowers since we last shook hands Couldn't see the flowers on account of the snow What did you do with your Men Loudon Wainwright III When a ship is sinking and they lower the lifeboats And hand out the life jackets, the men keep on their coats The women and the children are the ones who must go first And the men who try to save their Father/Daughter Dialogue Loudon Wainwright III You can't undo what has been done To all your daughters and your son The facts are in and we have found That basically you're not around Dearest Daddy try as you might All you are is just uptight You sing The Doctor Loudon Wainwright III I went to the doctor and the doctor said Son you look older than me and I'm 71 You're falling apart and not living right I went to the doctor and the doctor said Loud, you've got to stop hanging out With Dreaming Loudon Wainwright III chances not choices Noises not voices A day's just a thing to get through Living's just too hard to do I'd rather be dreaming than talking There's nothing to hear or to say With ears covered mouth closed The Conspiracies Loudon Wainwright III isn't real, who never lived Who's old, but doesn't die We went to the department store We climbed out on that limb Told the kids that it was "You know who" We said that bum was him Then we placed them Grown Man Loudon Wainwright III He's a saint on Sunday, he's a bum on Monday; The rest of the week he's just crazy. What Are Families For? Loudon Wainwright III He lights his seventh cigarette "Almost," she says, "it won't be long Look out the window, sing a song" Singing what... what are families for? I'M Alright Loudon Wainwright III meet again another time, another place Can't believe it's been so many years We better grab a chair and a couple of beers You're lookin' good in your three piece suit You know I always knew you'd take the Something For Nothing Loudon Wainwright III everything`s fair And it`s ok to steal `coz it`s so nice to share You`re in luck `cos last night it happened again I was feeling creative about twenty to ten So I sharpened a pencil then I wore down its end Dilated to Meet You (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III wondering what you'll be We're wondering if you'll be a her Or if you'll be a he Maybe you'll arrive today Perhaps tomorrow night We're hoping you won't hurt too much And that you'll be all right Life has Y2k Loudon Wainwright III Y2K No it ain't a virus it's just a little glitch It wan't done by some crazy hackin son of a bitch And Sadaam didn't do it, can't blame him No it's a geek with the glasses and the stupid silly grin Billionaire The World Loudon Wainwright III Oh the world is a terrible place Look at the look on your face It says it all This world's appalling And we ache for outer space 'Cause the world is a terrible place And the world is a crappy old hole The Untitled Loudon Wainwright III your life, I'm gonna get you back I'm tired of being stuck up on your shelf Might not wait around, Might kill myself Not only would you miss me, you'd feel guilty to Oh I'd be dead but it'd be too late the Dead Skunk Loudon Wainwright III Crossin` the highway late last night He shoulda looked left and he shoulda looked right He didn`t see the station wagon car The skunk got squashed and there you are You got yer Dead skunk in the middle Rufus Is A Tit Man Loudon Wainwright III Rufus is a tI' man Suckin' on hI' mamma's gland Suckin' on the nipple It's a sweeter than the ripple wine. Yes its sweeter than the wine. The Acid Song Loudon Wainwright III Five of us dropped in the girls' room, Psycadilisized insane quintet. The Shit Song Loudon Wainwright III When I run into friends of mine I haven`t seen in years They give me the once over then their eyes well up with tears Then they pronounce me looking great I haven`t changed a bit I flash `em back a feeble