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Suddenly It's Christmas Loudon Wainwright III Suddenly it's Christmas Right after Hallowe'en Forget about Thanksgiving It's just a buffet in between. There's lights and tinsel in the window They're stocking up the shelves. Christmas Morning Loudon Wainwright III few are for you but the rest are all for me And we gotta tip the super and the doormen Can't you see, It's Christmas morning Christmas morning finally has come It has meaning for each & everyone Christmas Something For Nothing Loudon Wainwright III You can pull one of my songs right out of thin air Go ahead and download me see if I care In love war and cyberspace everything`s fair And it`s ok to steal `coz it`s so nice to share You`re in luck `cos The Shit Song Loudon Wainwright III `Cos the mirror shatters your illusions when you look like shit Shit comes in different colours and consistencies I guess that I`m just aging like the finest wines and cheeses The guy that`s me who`s Dead Skunk Loudon Wainwright III in the middle of the road Stinkin` to high heaven Take a whiff on me that ain`t no rose Roll up yer window and hold yer nose You don`t have to look and you don`t have to see `Cause you can feel it Your Mother & I Loudon Wainwright III Your Mother & I are living apart I know that seems stupid, but we weren't very smart You'll stay with her, I'll visit you At Christmas, on weekends, the summertime too Your Mother & I are not getting along New Paint Loudon Wainwright III t cheat her A woman that kind is hard to find It?s good to take a girl In the not so very good world And walk in the park until it gets dark Sometimes I feel ugly and old Excuse me, baby, if I? Conspiracies Loudon Wainwright III We don't believe in "You know who" But we don't let the kids know it We're parents, who are grown ups There's a line we have to toe it But we're part of a conspiracy About this bearded big fat guy Who The Home Stretch Loudon Wainwright III If the day off doesn`t get you Then the bad reviewer does At least you`ve been a has been And not just a never was And you know it`s not a mountain But no mole hill is this big And you promise to quit 1994 Loudon Wainwright III There's been a brand neew breakthrough Though they're not sure what it means We used to blame our parents Now we can pin it on our genes Hey and I'm not talking 501's I don't mean no pair of pants I'm T.S.M.N.W.A. Loudon Wainwright III They spelled my name wrong again With an E between the D and the N Some dope didn't know it should be an O They spelled my name wrong again Why in God's name can't they check It's a pain in the ass and You Never Phone Loudon Wainwright III wow Chicka wa wa wa wa wa wa Chickiti chick chick chicka chicka wow wow wow wow wow Chicka wow wow wow wow wow wow wow Sometimes I wonder ow wow ow wow ow wow What you must think of me Then I remember it Cobwebs Loudon Wainwright III "Well it stumbles and it falls off of almost every tongue Give a listen and you'll hear It's workin like a landmine in almost every sentence It's an assault to my mind's ear Yeah it might have started Mr. Ambivalent Loudon Wainwright III Ambivalent Make a little movement Or get off of the pot If you love it and you hate it You just stay in a bind Take it or leave it Make up your mind Mr. The World Loudon Wainwright III Oh the world is a terrible place Look at the look on your face It says it all This world's appalling And we ache for outer space 'Cause the world is a terrible place And the world is a crappy old hole Red Guitar (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III Used to have a red guitar until I smashed it one drunk night Smashed it in the classic form as Peter Townsend might I threw it in the fireplace, I left it there awhile Kate, she started crying when she Say That You Love Me (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III You'd said that you like me, feel like a fool Say that you like me, that's not enough Say that you love me, I'm calling your bluff Say that you love me, say that it's true Say that you love me and I said it Y2k Loudon Wainwright III A bunch of nerdy brainy guys a long way back Invented a crazy little thing they called the Univac For years now, they've been upgrading that thing It can walk & talk & count & think & it can even sing Kick In The Head Loudon Wainwright III Well I hear that she told you she'd been shacking up with your best friend And the kick in the head is she said that she wants to again Well they was kissin and huggin and doin it right in your bed Oh Drinking Song (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III often they will urinate outdoors Like widowed women, drunk men weep Like children curled up, drunk men sleep Like a dog, a drunk will crawl around on all fours Be he broke bum or rich rake His dinner be it Sometimes I Forget Loudon Wainwright III believe that you're still not here What's left behind, disputes that fact And your bookcase still holds all your books It's as if all you've done is go out of town You'll be back soon, that's just how it Talking New Bob Dylan Loudon Wainwright III Well, it musta been about '62 I heard you on record, you were brand new And some had some doubts about the way you sang But the truth came through and loudly it rang Yeah, you were hipper than Mitch Miller The Doctor Loudon Wainwright III hanging out With that olden crowd Living's a battle and you're losing the fight I went to the doctor and the doctor said Boy, your body is a temple, it's not a toy Fill up this here paper cup and give it Career Moves Loudon Wainwright III And it's music for money, but I'll do it for fun Oh, I know how to do it, it's easily done To stand on a stage doesn't make me afraid I'm comfortable up there, it's gotten me laid It always amazes me when Number One Loudon Wainwright III Of all the chicks & broads & babes & bimbos I have known No one does it better than you do on the phone Midway through my busy day all through my empty night I dial your 900 number and it feels oh so right The Man Who Couldn'T Cry Loudon Wainwright III an arm in the war, was laughed at by a whore But still not a sniffle & sob Well his novel was refused & his movie was banned And his biog Broadway show was a flop He was sent off to jail, you guessed it Underwear Loudon Wainwright III You know when I know just how much I care When I'm carefully folding your clean underwear I see it's all worth it though sometimes it sure hurts Putting back in the bureau drawer all my t-shirts I find The Man Who Couldn't Cry (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III Lost his arm in the war, was laughed at by a whore Ah, but sill not a sniffle or sob His novel was refused, his movie was panned And his big Broadway show was a flop He got sent off to jail; you guessed it Bein' A Dad Loudon Wainwright III Bein' a dad isn't so bad Except that you gotta feed 'em You gotta shoe 'em and clothe 'em And try not to loathe 'em Bug 'em and hug 'em and heed 'em Bein' a dad can sure make you mad Man it even can drive A Song Loudon Wainwright III And here's a song with not a lot to say But when you see it it'll sound okay You bet there'll be a video We'll flesh it out for radio Now it's high time that I play that change again It's haunting you