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Sometimes I Forget Loudon Wainwright III Sometimes I forget that you've gone You've gone, and you're not coming back And it's hard to believe that you're still not here What's left behind, disputes that fact And your bookcase still holds all Unhappy Anniversary Loudon Wainwright III Unhappy Anniversary It's one year since we split I walk and talk and get around Lie down, stand up, and sit I eat and drink and smoke and sing and Live a little bit Unhappy Anniversary It's one year since Underwear Loudon Wainwright III You know when I know just how much I care When I'm carefully folding your clean underwear I see it's all worth it though sometimes it sure hurts Putting back in the bureau drawer all my t-shirts I find You Never Phone Loudon Wainwright III You never phone you never write Hell I stopped hoping that you might You`re trying to hurt my feelings right You never phone you never write You never write you never phone I`m sorry to bitch and moan Five Years Old Loudon Wainwright III CHORUS: Happy birthday Martha, happy birthday, birthday girl I'm sorry I can't be there for that party, birthday girl But pin the tail upon the donkey in that party dress Balloons, and cake, 2 kinds of New Paint Loudon Wainwright III s good to take a girl In the not so very good world And walk in the park until it gets dark Sometimes I feel ugly and old Excuse me, baby, if I?m acting bold My head gets hot but my feet aren? Kick In The Head Loudon Wainwright III Well I hear that she told you she'd been shacking up with your best friend And the kick in the head is she said that she wants to again Well they was kissin and huggin and doin it right in your bed Oh Y2k Loudon Wainwright III it in your lap It does a little bit of this it does a whole lotta that It can boot you up, it can load you down With that little bitty mouse you're gonna rule this town But you're headed for trouble I Bein' A Dad Loudon Wainwright III That's when you're choked with emotions But bein' a dad takes more than a tad of Good luck and divine intervention You need air-tight alibis Fool proof disguises Desperation's the father of invention So sometimes Suddenly It's Christmas Loudon Wainwright III Suddenly it's Christmas Right after Hallowe'en Forget about Thanksgiving It's just a buffet in between. There's lights and tinsel in the window They're stocking up the shelves. Grown Man Loudon Wainwright III Sometimes he fools around when he goes out of town But sooner or later he's bound to get caught. He loves coming home, but then he has to roam; Mr. Ambivalence is the guy that you've got. Tonya's Twirls Loudon Wainwright III And they almost towed her truck way, uh, the whole thing was a drag, Forget about Campbell Soup and Reebok, Weedy's or the flag, Huh, there'll be books, she'll make some money, that's what they're after Muse Blues (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III I went down to the library, you know the big one way downtown I went down to the library, you know the big one way downtown I pulled out my spiral notebook and my scripto pencil These, these, these are The Shit Song Loudon Wainwright III When I run into friends of mine I haven`t seen in years They give me the once over then their eyes well up with tears Then they pronounce me looking great I haven`t changed a bit I flash `em back a feeble Pretty Good Day Loudon Wainwright III I slept through the night, I got through to the dawn I flipped a switch and the light went on I got out of bed and I put some clothes on Oh, it's a pretty good day so far I turned the tap, there was cold Daughter Loudon Wainwright III Everything she wants I see she gets. That's my daughter in the water everything she owns I bought her Everything she owns. That's my daughter in the water, everything she knows I taught her. Your Mother & I Loudon Wainwright III Your Mother & I are living apart I know that seems stupid, but we weren't very smart You'll stay with her, I'll visit you At Christmas, on weekends, the summertime too Your Mother & I are not getting along Ogm Loudon Wainwright III Your new outgoing voice Sounds bright and brave and very clear now In those seconds you recorded it I guess that you felt free I started out my message With a pause that I aborted When I addressed you Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder Loudon Wainwright III I guess you'd say you were taken for granted I went on and on and I raved and I ranted,oh-- My tyrannical ways. Mr. Guilty Loudon Wainwright III Call me Mr Guilty, Mr Guilty that's my name Without a doubt it's all my fault, I'm the one to blame You say that you're unhappy I do believe it's true Cause I'm the one, the no good bum That did it all T.S.M.N.W.A. Loudon Wainwright III should be an O They spelled my name wrong again Why in God's name can't they check It's a pain in the ass and the neck Not a capital crime, but it's the umpteenth time Why in God's name can't they check I Number One Loudon Wainwright III Of all the chicks & broads & babes & bimbos I have known No one does it better than you do on the phone Midway through my busy day all through my empty night I dial your 900 number and it feels oh so right Nocturnal Stumblebutt (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III "Well it's 3am, and so I creep Around the house 'cause you're asleep I can't sleep, I gotta smoke I think I left some in my coat No they're not there, but there's a chance I left some in a packet in my The Doctor Loudon Wainwright III I went to the doctor and the doctor said Son you look older than me and I'm 71 You're falling apart and not living right I went to the doctor and the doctor said Loud, you've got to stop hanging out With Down Drinking at the Bar Loudon Wainwright III Well, I call you up on the phone: nobody's at home. Then I do my usual thing: I let the telephone ring and ring and ring. I'm standing at a phone booth, coping with the ugly truth. A Father And A Son Loudon Wainwright III When I was your age I was just like you, And just look at me now; I'm sure you do. But your grandfather was just as bad And you should have heard him trash his dad. Westchester County Loudon Wainwright III I was raised here in Westchester County I was taught in the Country Day School We were richer than most, I don't mean to boast But I swam in the country club pool With a father from Hewlett, Long Island Something For Nothing Loudon Wainwright III last night it happened again I was feeling creative about twenty to ten So I sharpened a pencil then I wore down its end And now soon you`ll have something to share with your friends It took twenty minutes Breakfast In Bed Loudon Wainwright III Well I wake up in the morning And I can't get out of bed You're lying in there with me We stay put instead I grind the beans, squeeze the juice And butter up the toast That takes about an hour Ninety minutes I Can'T Stand Myself Loudon Wainwright III I sure can pick 'em Out looking for my next victim Who will that unlucky one be?