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Something For Nothing Loudon Wainwright III steal `coz it`s so nice to share You`re in luck `cos last night it happened again I was feeling creative about twenty to ten So I sharpened a pencil then I wore down its end And now soon you`ll have something Christmas Morning Loudon Wainwright III the dinner to cook It's Christmas morning There are so many presents underneath the tree A few are for you but the rest are all for me And we gotta tip the super and the doormen Can't you see, It's Christmas Sometimes I Forget Loudon Wainwright III strangest thing Why would you leave your wallet behind Your glasses, your wristwatch and ring Your glasses, your wristwatch and ring Sometimes I forget that you've gone That we'll never see you again I think for The Home Stretch Loudon Wainwright III your ex wifes And a woman your girlfriend Who is living in a city Thousands of miles away That is full of young male models Not all of whom are gay In the meanwhile you`ve stopped writing songs There`s nothing Thanksgiving Loudon Wainwright III other On this auspicious occasion This special family dinner If I argue with a loved one, Lord Please make me... the winner All this food looks and smells so good But I can hardly taste it The sense of something Happy Birthday Elvis Loudon Wainwright III It's a lie, it's just a crock, Something some people said. I heard a cassette of you speaking On a telephone; From a bunker beneath Graceland, The king sits on his throne. So Many Songs Loudon Wainwright III I'm through When I sing this one, when I do my show, People will hear it, the world will know I've written so many songs about you Some have been bitter, a few have been blue And you have inspired me for Dreaming Loudon Wainwright III dreaming than living Living's just too hard to do It's chances not choices Noises not voices A day's just a thing to get through Living's just too hard to do I'd rather be dreaming than talking There's nothing Mr. Ambivalent Loudon Wainwright III Ambivalent You got options open But you're headed for a fall Mr. Ambivalent You'll wind up with nothing Because you want it all Mr. The Acid Song Loudon Wainwright III I had not taken acid for twelve years, But one night last summer I did. I was adrift in a bar room, Acting like a jerk and a kid. I knew we were asking for trouble, Trouble was what we would get. Primrose Hill Loudon Wainwright III years back They started cracking down Now I'm living on the side Of Primrose Hill I'm no tourist attraction But I give them a thrill Yeah I see you Riding by on your flash bicycle Yeah they can do you for A Father And A Son Loudon Wainwright III I think I know what you're going through; Everything changes but nothing is new. And I know that I'm miserable; can't you see? I just want you to be just like me. The Doctor Loudon Wainwright III doctor I went to the doctor and the doctor said Sir we got back the x-ray everything's a blur It's all positive that's what every single test shows I went to the doctor and the doctor said Kid it was something Your Mother & I Loudon Wainwright III living apart I know that seems stupid, but we weren't very smart You'll stay with her, I'll visit you At Christmas, on weekends, the summertime too Your Mother & I are not getting along Somehow somewhere something 1994 Loudon Wainwright III little Genetic nip and tuck Yeah we can put a man upon the moon And we can conquer inner space With a little genetic tinkering We can make a master race Now back there in the first verse I sang that nothing What Are Families For? Loudon Wainwright III She forgets to take a pill Overload is overkill What... what are families for? I'D Rather Be Lonely Loudon Wainwright III All the time I look around For excuses to leave town. Everybody wants somebody -- but I'd rather be lonely. (Chorus:) Loneliness is happiness. It takes less than two. Career Moves Loudon Wainwright III "For twenty odd years I have strummed on guitars Five thousand lost flat picks, four fingertip scars I must have broken a million g strings Picking and strumming, and playing these things Banging and tunin I Can'T Stand Myself Loudon Wainwright III I sure can pick 'em Out looking for my next victim Who will that unlucky one be? A Song Loudon Wainwright III Here's a song For someone else to sing With a universal And generic ring It's all about the same old stuff That you like and can't get enough of How's about a minor chord right here Wasn't that rather The Man Who Couldn'T Cry Loudon Wainwright III There once was a man who just couldn't cry He hadn't cried for years & for years Napalmed babies & the movie 'Love Story', For T.S.M.N.W.A. Loudon Wainwright III umpteenth time Why in God's name can't they check I see my name up there in lights Then I notice it's not spelled right Tell me why do I put up with it Pavorotti or Shirley would quit When you've been around for Red Guitar (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III I put the remains in the case and I put the case away Went to New York City for a new guitar the next day I bought myself a blond guitar, I had if for three days Some junky stole my blond guitar. The Man Who Couldn't Cry (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III There once was a man who just couldn't cry He hadn't cried for years and for years Napalmed babies and the movie love story For instance could not produce tears As a child he had cried as all children Breakfast In Bed Loudon Wainwright III That takes about an hour Ninety minutes at the most I like my breakfast in my bed I could use a bite Just pick up where you left off On my shoulder late last night I mean to say I'm hungry But it's not for Bein' A Dad Loudon Wainwright III with emotions But bein' a dad takes more than a tad of Good luck and divine intervention You need air-tight alibis Fool proof disguises Desperation's the father of invention So sometimes you take off For Y2k Loudon Wainwright III A bunch of nerdy brainy guys a long way back Invented a crazy little thing they called the Univac For years now, they've been upgrading that thing It can walk & talk & count & think & it can even sing Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder Loudon Wainwright III I guess you'd say you were taken for granted I went on and on and I raved and I ranted,oh-- My tyrannical ways. The World Loudon Wainwright III Oh the world is a terrible place Look at the look on your face It says it all This world's appalling And we ache for outer space 'Cause the world is a terrible place And the world is a crappy old hole Tip That Waitress Loudon Wainwright III "She's been on her feet nearly half the damned night Bringing your beverage and your late night bite She remains cheerful, when you're nasty and tight Makes change for a 50 in dim candle light Ignoring