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So Damn Happy Loudon Wainwright III The sad thing is I'm so damn happy Who'd blame her if she were to slap me The sun should not shine when there's rain I should be in a lot more pain At least I should feel slightly crappy But the sad thing Five Years Old Loudon Wainwright III CHORUS: Happy birthday Martha, happy birthday, birthday girl I'm sorry I can't be there for that party, birthday girl But pin the tail upon the donkey in that party dress Balloons, and cake, 2 kinds of Happy Birthday Elvis Loudon Wainwright III "Happy birthday, Elvis; You're not really dead. It's a lie, it's just a crock, Something some people said. Talking New Bob Dylan Loudon Wainwright III you on record, you were brand new And some had some doubts about the way you sang But the truth came through and loudly it rang Yeah, you were hipper than Mitch Miller And Johnny Mathis put together So Thanksgiving Loudon Wainwright III rarely see our parents now We hardly see each other On this auspicious occasion This special family dinner If I argue with a loved one, Lord Please make me... the winner All this food looks and smells so The Acid Song Loudon Wainwright III Back in the bar we were happy, Feeling great, no problem, Back in the bar we were fine. Till Johnny turned into a Nazi, And Mary threw up all her wine. East Indian Princess (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III East Indian princess lives in a western dream Happy like a child, her mother is a queen You know she's safe as a cow on a Calcutta street This English way of life has got that other life beat And reading Tonya's Twirls Loudon Wainwright III So play the National Anthem, stand up proud and tall, Ooh, we hope that ours don't stumble, and that theirs slip and fall, Remember Olga Korbut, what happens to these girls? So Many Songs Loudon Wainwright III I've written so many songs about you This is the last one, after this I'm through When I sing this one, when I do my show, People will hear it, the world will know I've written so many songs about you I'M Alright Loudon Wainwright III Well it's been a long time, glad to see your face I knew we'd meet again another time, another place Can't believe it's been so many years We better grab a chair and a couple of beers You're lookin' good Pretty Good Day Loudon Wainwright III I slept through the night, I got through to the dawn I flipped a switch and the light went on I got out of bed and I put some clothes on Oh, it's a pretty good day so far I turned the tap, there was cold Something For Nothing Loudon Wainwright III You can pull one of my songs right out of thin air Go ahead and download me see if I care In love war and cyberspace everything`s fair And it`s ok to steal `coz it`s so nice to share You`re in luck `cos Mr. Guilty Loudon Wainwright III I'm so sorry, sorry as a man can be I'm so guilty, this I' my apology You have been a victim, a pawn I' my cruel game I done you wrong, and I strung you along And now I'm full of shame To compensate for Over The Hill Loudon Wainwright III Who could have possibly thought It would go so fast, but it certainly did. And now you find yourself caught With less future than past - you're no longer a kid. Four Mirrors Loudon Wainwright III worrying, thinking With a penchant for white wines A disposal toward drinking You had 'em, I got 'em I move my face nearer Broken blood vessels In the bathroom mirror And your doormen all know me It's not so Mr. Ambivalent Loudon Wainwright III Ambivalent First you say you're sure And then you're not so sure Mr. New Paint Loudon Wainwright III s good to take a girl In the not so very good world And walk in the park until it gets dark Sometimes I feel ugly and old Excuse me, baby, if I?m acting bold My head gets hot but my feet aren? Drinking Song (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III up, drunk men sleep Like a dog, a drunk will crawl around on all fours Be he broke bum or rich rake His dinner be it bread or cake His beverage be the worse of whiskey, finest wine Puke it stinks and so Grown Man Loudon Wainwright III You got a grown man for a boyfriend, So you better treat him just like a baby. He's a saint on Sunday, he's a bum on Monday; The rest of the week he's just crazy. Rufus Is A Tit Man Loudon Wainwright III Ah son you look so satisfied I envy you. So put Rufus on the left one And put me right on the right And like Romulus and Remus We'll suck all night. Come on mamma Come on and lactate awhile. Christmas Morning Loudon Wainwright III closed It's Christmas morning He got a tie & she got a book They weren't supposed to peek but they took a little look Tell me how long will it take for the dinner to cook It's Christmas morning There are so The Picture Loudon Wainwright III We were sitting outside drawing At a table meant for cards, And it must have been in autumn, Falling leaves in the front yard, With a shoebox full of crayons, Full of colors oh so bright, In a picture Underwear Loudon Wainwright III sure hurts Putting back in the bureau drawer all my t-shirts I find the foundation, the reason, a basis Stuffing the pillows back into their cases We suffer slings, withstand buffets and shocks It's so Bein' A Dad Loudon Wainwright III Bein' a dad isn't so bad Except that you gotta feed 'em You gotta shoe 'em and clothe 'em And try not to loathe 'em Bug 'em and hug 'em and heed 'em Bein' a dad can sure make you mad Man it even can drive Sometimes I Forget Loudon Wainwright III think for a moment, I've got to give him a all But I can't now I realize that No we can't meet for lunch at the usual place The place where we always would go And there was something I wanted to tell you so Tip That Waitress Loudon Wainwright III like hell when it's hot Her uniform' too tight, tasteful it's not She knows the specials, and they are not a lot The cook is on qualudes the busboy deals pot If she had a real job she'd quit on the spot So Number One Loudon Wainwright III Of all the chicks & broads & babes & bimbos I have known No one does it better than you do on the phone Midway through my busy day all through my empty night I dial your 900 number and it feels oh so right What Are Families For? Loudon Wainwright III You're the brother who is big You were your parents' guinea pig The first, the oldest and the best Smarter, quicker than the rest Your little sister's just a girl So you can kick her from your world You Career Moves Loudon Wainwright III So here am I doing all that I can do You're paying, I'm playing, I'm grateful to you Indoors and outdoors, at home and abroad I sing these songs and you people applaud. Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder Loudon Wainwright III Bridge 1 But now things are different, Cause now you are gone, I'm not so sure I can carry on.