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Rufus Is A Tit Man Loudon Wainwright III Rufus is a tI' man Suckin' on hI' mamma's gland Suckin' on the nipple It's a sweeter than the ripple wine. Yes its sweeter than the wine. Lullaby (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III I'm sick and tired of all your sob-stories Shut up and shut your eyes No more histrionics, no more college tries Stop pushing, stop shoving, stop straining Shut your mouth and button your lip You're a Grown Man Loudon Wainwright III You got a grown man for a boyfriend, So you better treat him just like a baby. He's a saint on Sunday, he's a bum on Monday; The rest of the week he's just crazy. Men Loudon Wainwright III When a ship is sinking and they lower the lifeboats And hand out the life jackets, the men keep on their coats The women and the children are the ones who must go first And the men who try to save their The Home Stretch Loudon Wainwright III If the day off doesn`t get you Then the bad reviewer does At least you`ve been a has been And not just a never was And you know it`s not a mountain But no mole hill is this big And you promise to quit 1994 Loudon Wainwright III talking about a future Where nothing's left to chance If you'rre dumb, fat, queer, or crazy No one is to blame You've just been dealt a lousy hand In the genetic poker game And if you start killing people Nocturnal Stumblebutt (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III "Well it's 3am, and so I creep Around the house 'cause you're asleep I can't sleep, I gotta smoke I think I left some in my coat No they're not there, but there's a chance I left some in a packet in my 4 X 10 Loudon Wainwright III I are history I put up my protective wall it's 4 feet thick and 10 feet tall 10 feet tall and 4 feet thick granite, concrete, steel and brick protection for you, understand the little boy, the inner man The Man Who Couldn'T Cry Loudon Wainwright III There once was a man who just couldn't cry He hadn't cried for years & for years Napalmed babies & the movie 'Love Story', For Over The Hill Loudon Wainwright III Once you were a young man, But now you are old - you're over the hill. And you can't cross the palm of time's hand With silver and gold to make him stand still. Drinking Song (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III Drunk men stagger, drunk men fall Drunk men swear and that's not all Quite often they will urinate outdoors Like widowed women, drunk men weep Like children curled up, drunk men sleep Like a dog, a drunk The Acid Song Loudon Wainwright III I was adrift in a bar room, Acting like a jerk and a kid. I knew we were asking for trouble, Trouble was what we would get. Five of us dropped in the girls' room, Psycadilisized insane quintet. Conspiracies Loudon Wainwright III We don't believe in "You know who" But we don't let the kids know it We're parents, who are grown ups There's a line we have to toe it But we're part of a conspiracy About this bearded big fat guy Who Bein' A Dad Loudon Wainwright III Bein' a dad isn't so bad Except that you gotta feed 'em You gotta shoe 'em and clothe 'em And try not to loathe 'em Bug 'em and hug 'em and heed 'em Bein' a dad can sure make you mad Man it even can drive The Man Who Couldn't Cry (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III There once was a man who just couldn't cry He hadn't cried for years and for years Napalmed babies and the movie love story For instance could not produce tears As a child he had cried as all children Smokey Joe's Cafe (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III One day while I was eating beans at Smokey Joe’s Café Sitting digging on the scene at Smokey Joe’s Café A chick came walking through the door that I had never seen before Least I’d never saw her down at Mr. Guilty Loudon Wainwright III Call me Mr Guilty, Mr Guilty that's my name Without a doubt it's all my fault, I'm the one to blame You say that you're unhappy I do believe it's true Cause I'm the one, the no good bum That did it all The World Loudon Wainwright III Oh the world is a terrible place Look at the look on your face It says it all This world's appalling And we ache for outer space 'Cause the world is a terrible place And the world is a crappy old hole Happy Birthday Elvis Loudon Wainwright III It's a lie, it's just a crock, Something some people said. I heard a cassette of you speaking On a telephone; From a bunker beneath Graceland, The king sits on his throne. A Father And A Son Loudon Wainwright III Now, your mother's family, you know them: Each and every one a gem, Each and every one a gem. When I was your age I was a mess; On a bad day I still am, I guess. East Indian Princess (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III East Indian princess lives in a western dream Happy like a child, her mother is a queen You know she's safe as a cow on a Calcutta street This English way of life has got that other life beat And reading What Gives Loudon Wainwright III Paul & George & Ringo, just a fraction of the Fab Four Some still survive from Dave Clark's Five Washed up on the Mersey Shore Jerry has a pacemaker The hermit's name is Herman That old man's Manfred Mann The Picture Loudon Wainwright III in a plastic frame, A snapshot black and white. Dilated to Meet You (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III We're wondering when you will arrive We're wondering what you'll be We're wondering if you'll be a her Or if you'll be a he Maybe you'll arrive today Perhaps tomorrow night We're hoping you won't hurt B Side (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III It's wonderful to be alive To be a bee in this beehive It's tough as nails, it's smooth as silk It's milk and honey, without milk I work with flowers, it's my work From this, there's no way that I can So Damn Happy Loudon Wainwright III The sad thing is I'm so damn happy Who'd blame her if she were to slap me The sun should not shine when there's rain I should be in a lot more pain At least I should feel slightly crappy But the sad thing Talking New Bob Dylan Loudon Wainwright III Hey, Bob Dylan, I wrote you a song Today is your birthday if I'm not wrong If I'm not mistaken, you're 50 today How are you doin', Bob? What do you say? Christmas Morning Loudon Wainwright III & she got a book They weren't supposed to peek but they took a little look Tell me how long will it take for the dinner to cook It's Christmas morning There are so many presents underneath the tree A Little Ship Loudon Wainwright III Our relationship Is just a little ship That's out on a stormy sea We barely keep afloat In our leaky boat But still I'm hoping That you'll dote on me When we first set sail We thought we'd never fail What Are Families For? Loudon Wainwright III She forgets to take a pill Overload is overkill What... what are families for?