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Down Drinking at the Bar Loudon Wainwright III Well, I call you up on the phone: nobody's at home. Then I do my usual thing: I let the telephone ring and ring and ring. I'm standing at a phone booth, coping with the ugly truth. The Acid Song Loudon Wainwright III Back in the bar we were happy, Feeling great, no problem, Back in the bar we were fine. Till Johnny turned into a Nazi, And Mary threw up all her wine. Primrose Hill Loudon Wainwright III Living on the side Of Primrose Hill Drinking cans of Tennants Just can't seem to get my fill Got a beat up guitar And a dirty old sleeping bag And this mangy dog Whose tail don't wag Sun's been shining Drinking Song (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III Like widowed women, drunk men weep Like children curled up, drunk men sleep Like a dog, a drunk will crawl around on all fours Be he broke bum or rich rake His dinner be it bread or cake His beverage be the Smokey Joe's Cafe (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III One day while I was eating beans at Smokey Joe’s Café Sitting digging on the scene at Smokey Joe’s Café A chick came walking through the door that I had never seen before Least I’d never saw her down at The Home Stretch Loudon Wainwright III If the day off doesn`t get you Then the bad reviewer does At least you`ve been a has been And not just a never was And you know it`s not a mountain But no mole hill is this big And you promise to quit Career Moves Loudon Wainwright III And it's been sixteen years now that I've written songs Over a hundred and still growing strong About drinking and hockey and flying above Again and again about unhappy love Over and over, unhappy love I Can'T Stand Myself Loudon Wainwright III There must be some kind of waitress I could lure under my mattress If I ply her with chitchat and wine How's about a rich heiress Or a nice massage therapist I could use some hands-on treatment all of the Four Mirrors Loudon Wainwright III I've slumped in your chair Tossed and turned in your bed Lurked in your lair I have lived in your head Where others were closer No one is nearer As I glimpse you in me In the hallway mirror I've grabbed Between Loudon Wainwright III Between the forest and the ocean lies a lonely strand The ocean is your mother, and the forest Fatherland. Clockwork Chartreuse (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III You got the black belt, I got the gun. Let's team up tonight--have some fun. Let's drink some drinks, find us some fights. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon: it's Saturday night! The Man Who Couldn'T Cry Loudon Wainwright III There once was a man who just couldn't cry He hadn't cried for years & for years Napalmed babies & the movie 'Love Story', For A Song Loudon Wainwright III Here's a song For someone else to sing With a universal And generic ring It's all about the same old stuff That you like and can't get enough of How's about a minor chord right here Wasn't that rather The Man Who Couldn't Cry (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III will Then at some point his tear ducts ran dry He grew to be a man, the feces hit the fan Things got bad, but he couldn't cry His dog was run over, his wife up and left him And after that he got sacked Y2k Loudon Wainwright III It can help you at school, church, business, and work Makes you feel like a genius even though you're just a jerk You get a computer, you sit it in your lap It does a little bit of this it does a whole What Are Families For? Loudon Wainwright III He's at the wheel, she's at his side Three kids in back out for a ride Looking at houses, autumn leaves Keep hope alive, try to believe They haven't made a huge mistake And what seemed real in fact is Guru Loudon Wainwright III CHORUS: Down in Southern California There's a guru that is guruing there He's got 250 followers They're following him everywhere He's got all of the answers to all of the questions And he promises to make Something For Nothing Loudon Wainwright III cyberspace everything`s fair And it`s ok to steal `coz it`s so nice to share You`re in luck `cos last night it happened again I was feeling creative about twenty to ten So I sharpened a pencil then I wore down Breakfast In Bed Loudon Wainwright III Well I wake up in the morning And I can't get out of bed You're lying in there with me We stay put instead I grind the beans, squeeze the juice And butter up the toast That takes about an hour Ninety minutes Conspiracies Loudon Wainwright III We don't believe in "You know who" But we don't let the kids know it We're parents, who are grown ups There's a line we have to toe it But we're part of a conspiracy About this bearded big fat guy Who The Picture Loudon Wainwright III There are pictures on the piano, pictures of the family, Mostly my kids but there's an old Picture of you and me. The End Has Begun Loudon Wainwright III We walk in your footsteps Though I've had my ups and downs And I'll stand in the silence Until I figure it out One might fall and the other will stand And one might give where the other won't bend The New Paint Loudon Wainwright III At the station you can meet her With that smile you couldn?t cheat her A woman that kind is hard to find It? Muse Blues (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III I went down to the library, you know the big one way downtown I went down to the library, you know the big one way downtown I pulled out my spiral notebook and my scripto pencil These, these, these are East Indian Princess (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III of life has got that other life beat And reading magazines, she sits in straightbacked chairs She's got a common welfare, she's got a queen that cares She's got meat on her bones, she doesn't starve at A Father And A Son Loudon Wainwright III When I was your age I was just like you, And just look at me now; I'm sure you do. But your grandfather was just as bad And you should have heard him trash his dad. Mr. Guilty Loudon Wainwright III Call me Mr Guilty, Mr Guilty that's my name Without a doubt it's all my fault, I'm the one to blame You say that you're unhappy I do believe it's true Cause I'm the one, the no good bum That did it all Little Ship Loudon Wainwright III Our relationship Is just a little ship That's out on a stormy sea We barely keep afloat In our leaky boat But still I'm hoping That you'll dote on me When we first set sail We thought we'd never fail The Nocturnal Stumblebutt (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III "Well it's 3am, and so I creep Around the house 'cause you're asleep I can't sleep, I gotta smoke I think I left some in my coat No they're not there, but there's a chance I left some in a packet in my The Doctor Loudon Wainwright III I went to the doctor and the doctor said Son you look older than me and I'm 71 You're falling apart and not living right I went to the doctor and the doctor said Loud, you've got to stop hanging out With