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Dilated to Meet You (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III We're wondering when you will arrive We're wondering what you'll be We're wondering if you'll be a her Or if you'll be a he Maybe you'll arrive today Perhaps tomorrow night We're hoping you won't hurt Smokey Joe's Cafe (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III on the scene at Smokey Joe’s Café A chick came walking through the door that I had never seen before Least I’d never saw her down at Smokey Joe’s Café no I started shakin’ when she sat right down next to Muse Blues (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III I went down to the library, you know the big one way downtown I went down to the library, you know the big one way downtown I pulled out my spiral notebook and my scripto pencil These, these, these are Nocturnal Stumblebutt (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III you're asleep I can't sleep, I gotta smoke I think I left some in my coat No they're not there, but there's a chance I left some in a packet in my pants Bumped into the table, just below the belt If you Lullaby (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III Shut up and go to bed Put the pillow under your head I'm sick and tired of all your worries Shut up and say goodnight Say your prayers and turn off the light I'm sick and tired of all your sob-stories B Side (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III It's wonderful to be alive To be a bee in this beehive It's tough as nails, it's smooth as silk It's milk and honey, without milk I work with flowers, it's my work From this, there's no way that I can Red Guitar (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III Used to have a red guitar until I smashed it one drunk night Smashed it in the classic form as Peter Townsend might I threw it in the fireplace, I left it there awhile Kate, she started crying when she Clockwork Chartreuse (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III You got the black belt, I got the gun. Let's team up tonight--have some fun. Let's drink some drinks, find us some fights. C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon: it's Saturday night! Drinking Song (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III , a drunk will crawl around on all fours Be he broke bum or rich rake His dinner be it bread or cake His beverage be the worse of whiskey, finest wine Puke it stinks and so it seems That drunkards go to Come A Long Way (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III We've come a long way since we last shook hands Still got a long way to go We couldn't see the flowers since we last shook hands Couldn't see the flowers on account of the snow What did you do with your Say That You Love Me (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III Told you I love you Talked on the [Incomprehensible] You'd said that you like me, feel like a fool Say that you like me, that's not enough Say that you love me, I'm calling your bluff Say that you love East Indian Princess (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III East Indian princess lives in a western dream Happy like a child, her mother is a queen You know she's safe as a cow on a Calcutta street This English way of life has got that other life beat And reading The Man Who Couldn't Cry (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III cried for years and for years Napalmed babies and the movie love story For instance could not produce tears As a child he had cried as all children will Then at some point his tear ducts ran dry He grew to New Paint Loudon Wainwright III At the station you can meet her With that smile you couldn?t cheat her A woman that kind is hard to find It? Father/Daughter Dialogue Loudon Wainwright III [Martha] Dearest Daddy with your songs Do you hope to right your wrongs? Sometimes I Forget Loudon Wainwright III books It's as if all you've done is go out of town You'll be back soon, that's just how it looks But your suitcase is empty, it's right here in the hall That's not even the strangest thing Why would you I Can'T Stand Myself Loudon Wainwright III of waitress I could lure under my mattress If I ply her with chitchat and wine How's about a rich heiress Or a nice massage therapist I could use some hands-on treatment all of the time I'm done with you I'M Alright Loudon Wainwright III Well it's been a long time, glad to see your face I knew we'd meet again another time, another place Can't believe it's been so many years We better grab a chair and a couple of beers You're lookin' good The Home Stretch Loudon Wainwright III If the day off doesn`t get you Then the bad reviewer does At least you`ve been a has been And not just a never was And you know it`s not a mountain But no mole hill is this big And you promise to quit The Doctor Loudon Wainwright III I went to the doctor and the doctor said Son you look older than me and I'm 71 You're falling apart and not living right I went to the doctor and the doctor said Loud, you've got to stop hanging out With Dead Skunk Loudon Wainwright III of the road Dead skunk in the middle of the road Dead skunk in the middle of the road Stinkin` to high heaven Take a whiff on me that ain`t no rose Roll up yer window and hold yer nose You don`t Kick In The Head Loudon Wainwright III Well I hear that she told you she'd been shacking up with your best friend And the kick in the head is she said that she wants to again Well they was kissin and huggin and doin it right in your bed Oh Ogm Loudon Wainwright III The OGM on our machine Began with we're not here now But you went and changed the "we" to "no one" Do you mean us or me? What Are Families For? Loudon Wainwright III She forgets to take a pill Overload is overkill What... what are families for? Guru Loudon Wainwright III CHORUS: Down in Southern California There's a guru that is guruing there He's got 250 followers They're following him everywhere He's got all of the answers to all of the questions And he promises to make Over The Hill Loudon Wainwright III Once you were a young man, But now you are old - you're over the hill. And you can't cross the palm of time's hand With silver and gold to make him stand still. Mr. Guilty Loudon Wainwright III Call me Mr Guilty, Mr Guilty that's my name Without a doubt it's all my fault, I'm the one to blame You say that you're unhappy I do believe it's true Cause I'm the one, the no good bum That did it all Number One Loudon Wainwright III : When it comes to lovin on the phone you are the best Local or long distance, you're better thatn the rest And when it is all over, when it's been said and done Of all the numbers out there, your number's Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder Loudon Wainwright III Absence makes the heart grow fonder And the mind begins to wander back to happier days. I guess you'd say you were taken for granted I went on and on and I raved and I ranted,oh-- My tyrannical ways. Conspiracies Loudon Wainwright III We don't believe in "You know who" But we don't let the kids know it We're parents, who are grown ups There's a line we have to toe it But we're part of a conspiracy About this bearded big fat guy Who