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Come A Long Way (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III We've come a long way since we last shook hands Still got a long way to go We couldn't see the flowers since we last shook hands Couldn't see the flowers on account of the snow What did you do with your Muse Blues (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III I went down to the library, you know the big one way downtown I went down to the library, you know the big one way downtown I pulled out my spiral notebook and my scripto pencil These, these, these are B Side (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III It's wonderful to be alive To be a bee in this beehive It's tough as nails, it's smooth as silk It's milk and honey, without milk I work with flowers, it's my work From this, there's no way that I can Lullaby (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III I'm sick and tired of all your sob-stories Shut up and shut your eyes No more histrionics, no more college tries Stop pushing, stop shoving, stop straining Shut your mouth and button your lip You're a East Indian Princess (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III East Indian princess lives in a western dream Happy like a child, her mother is a queen You know she's safe as a cow on a Calcutta street This English way of life has got that other life beat And reading Red Guitar (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III Used to have a red guitar until I smashed it one drunk night Smashed it in the classic form as Peter Townsend might I threw it in the fireplace, I left it there awhile Kate, she started crying when she Clockwork Chartreuse (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III We'll rape a co-ed. La la la la la la la la la... Beat on a wino 'til he is dead. I'll slug a hippie, you'll plug a cop. We'll go on a rampage and we won't wanna stop. Oh baby. Drinking Song (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III Drunk men stagger, drunk men fall Drunk men swear and that's not all Quite often they will urinate outdoors Like widowed women, drunk men weep Like children curled up, drunk men sleep Like a dog, a drunk Nocturnal Stumblebutt (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III "Well it's 3am, and so I creep Around the house 'cause you're asleep I can't sleep, I gotta smoke I think I left some in my coat No they're not there, but there's a chance I left some in a packet in my Dilated to Meet You (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III We're wondering when you will arrive We're wondering what you'll be We're wondering if you'll be a her Or if you'll be a he Maybe you'll arrive today Perhaps tomorrow night We're hoping you won't hurt Say That You Love Me (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III Told you I love you Talked on the [Incomprehensible] You'd said that you like me, feel like a fool Say that you like me, that's not enough Say that you love me, I'm calling your bluff Say that you love Smokey Joe's Cafe (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III One day while I was eating beans at Smokey Joe’s Café Sitting digging on the scene at Smokey Joe’s Café A chick came walking through the door that I had never seen before Least I’d never saw her down at The Man Who Couldn't Cry (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III There once was a man who just couldn't cry He hadn't cried for years and for years Napalmed babies and the movie love story For instance could not produce tears As a child he had cried as all children Tip That Waitress Loudon Wainwright III the groping hoping you might Come across with a tip and sympathize with her plight Tip that waitress She's getting her masters, supporting her mom Amidst the confusion she remains cool and calm She knows Y2k Loudon Wainwright III A bunch of nerdy brainy guys a long way back Invented a crazy little thing they called the Univac For years now, they've been upgrading that thing It can walk & talk & count & think & it can even sing The Acid Song Loudon Wainwright III I was adrift in a bar room, Acting like a jerk and a kid. I knew we were asking for trouble, Trouble was what we would get. Five of us dropped in the girls' room, Psycadilisized insane quintet. Rufus Is A Tit Man Loudon Wainwright III Rufus is a tI' man Suckin' on hI' mamma's gland Suckin' on the nipple It's a sweeter than the ripple wine. Yes its sweeter than the wine. Christmas Morning Loudon Wainwright III & she got a book They weren't supposed to peek but they took a little look Tell me how long will it take for the dinner to cook It's Christmas morning There are so many presents underneath the tree A The World Loudon Wainwright III Oh the world is a terrible place Look at the look on your face It says it all This world's appalling And we ache for outer space 'Cause the world is a terrible place And the world is a crappy old hole Number One Loudon Wainwright III take that magic carpet ride I get down on my bearskin rug on my loving room floor I get you on the telephone & you give me what for CHORUS: When it comes to lovin on the phone you are the best Local or long So Many Songs Loudon Wainwright III songs about you This is the last one, after this I'm through When I sing this one, when I do my show, People will hear it, the world will know I've written so many songs about you Some have been bitter, a What Are Families For? Loudon Wainwright III He lights his seventh cigarette "Almost," she says, "it won't be long Look out the window, sing a song" Singing what... what are families for? Westchester County Loudon Wainwright III I was raised here in Westchester County I was taught in the Country Day School We were richer than most, I don't mean to boast But I swam in the country club pool With a father from Hewlett, Long Island Bein' A Dad Loudon Wainwright III Bein' a dad isn't so bad Except that you gotta feed 'em You gotta shoe 'em and clothe 'em And try not to loathe 'em Bug 'em and hug 'em and heed 'em Bein' a dad can sure make you mad Man it even can drive The Untitled Loudon Wainwright III Oh when I die & it wont be long Oh you're gonna be sorry that you treated me wrong You're gonna be sorry that you treated me bad And if there's an after life I'll gloat & I'll be glad Might be a plane Unrequited To The Nth Degree Loudon Wainwright III Oh when I die and it won't be long Hey you're gonna be sorry that you treated me wrong Yeah you're gonna be sorry that you treated me bad Hey and if there's an after life I'll gloat and I'll be glad Might The Home Stretch Loudon Wainwright III If the day off doesn`t get you Then the bad reviewer does At least you`ve been a has been And not just a never was And you know it`s not a mountain But no mole hill is this big And you promise to quit Between Loudon Wainwright III Between the forest and the ocean lies a lonely strand The ocean is your mother, and the forest Fatherland. 4 X 10 Loudon Wainwright III feet thick and 10 feet tall 10 feet tall and 4 feet thick granite, concrete, steel and brick protection for you, understand the little boy, the inner man boys kissed the girls then made them cry that's a I'M Alright Loudon Wainwright III Well it's been a long time, glad to see your face I knew we'd meet again another time, another place Can't believe it's been so many years We better grab a chair and a couple of beers You're lookin' good