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Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder Loudon Wainwright III Absence makes the heart grow fonder And the mind begins to wander back to happier days. I guess you'd say you were taken for granted I went on and on and I raved and I ranted,oh-- My tyrannical ways. Absence Maker The Heart Grow Fonder Dean Martin If you should leave me I know it would grieve me So honey please remember Absence makes the heart grow fonder For somebody else I love you dearly I'm yours sincerely But honey please remember Absence Inaugural Blues Loudon Wainwright III generation People try to put us down But they weren't people, just our parents Now they're old or not around Bill and Hill are our first couple Student prez, homecoming queen Tipper's cute, Albert's handsome The The Picture Loudon Wainwright III There are pictures on the piano, pictures of the family, Mostly my kids but there's an old Picture of you and me. Tip That Waitress Loudon Wainwright III "She's been on her feet nearly half the damned night Bringing your beverage and your late night bite She remains cheerful, when you're nasty and tight Makes change for a 50 in dim candle light Ignoring Your Mother & I Loudon Wainwright III Your Mother & I are living apart I know that seems stupid, but we weren't very smart You'll stay with her, I'll visit you At Christmas, on weekends, the summertime too Your Mother & I are not getting along A Father And A Son Loudon Wainwright III Boys grow up to be grown men And then men change back into boys again. You're starting up and I'm winding down; Ain't it big enough for us both in this town? Daughter Loudon Wainwright III That's my daughter in the water everything she owns I bought her Everything she owns. That's my daughter in the water, everything she knows I taught her. Everything she knows. So Many Songs Loudon Wainwright III I've written so many songs about you This is the last one, after this I'm through When I sing this one, when I do my show, People will hear it, the world will know I've written so many songs about you What Gives Loudon Wainwright III Paul & George & Ringo, just a fraction of the Fab Four Some still survive from Dave Clark's Five Washed up on the Mersey Shore Jerry has a pacemaker The hermit's name is Herman That old man's Manfred Mann Unhappy Anniversary Loudon Wainwright III met There is no need to remind me No way I could forget We fell in love, and then fell out Both times there was no net Unhappy Anniversary It's ten years since we met Unhappy Anniversary I cannot count the Say That You Love Me (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III Told you I love you Talked on the [Incomprehensible] You'd said that you like me, feel like a fool Say that you like me, that's not enough Say that you love me, I'm calling your bluff Say that you love Y2k Loudon Wainwright III It can help you at school, church, business, and work Makes you feel like a genius even though you're just a jerk You get a computer, you sit it in your lap It does a little bit of this it does a whole Kick In The Head Loudon Wainwright III Well I hear that she told you she'd been shacking up with your best friend And the kick in the head is she said that she wants to again Well they was kissin and huggin and doin it right in your bed Oh Drinking Song (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III Like widowed women, drunk men weep Like children curled up, drunk men sleep Like a dog, a drunk will crawl around on all fours Be he broke bum or rich rake His dinner be it bread or cake His beverage be the Smokey Joe's Cafe (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III One day while I was eating beans at Smokey Joe’s Café Sitting digging on the scene at Smokey Joe’s Café A chick came walking through the door that I had never seen before Least I’d never saw her down at Bein' A Dad Loudon Wainwright III even can drive you crazy It's as hard as it looks You gotta read them dumb books And you end up despising Walt Disney Bein' a dad starts to get radical When they turn into teenagers You gotta tighten the The Untitled Loudon Wainwright III your life, I'm gonna get you back I'm tired of being stuck up on your shelf Might not wait around, Might kill myself Not only would you miss me, you'd feel guilty to Oh I'd be dead but it'd be too late the The Doctor Loudon Wainwright III I went to the doctor and the doctor said Son you look older than me and I'm 71 You're falling apart and not living right I went to the doctor and the doctor said Loud, you've got to stop hanging out With The World Loudon Wainwright III Oh the world is a terrible place Look at the look on your face It says it all This world's appalling And we ache for outer space 'Cause the world is a terrible place And the world is a crappy old hole Dead Skunk Loudon Wainwright III Crossin` the highway late last night He shoulda looked left and he shoulda looked right He didn`t see the station wagon car The skunk got squashed and there you are You got yer Dead skunk in the middle Men Loudon Wainwright III When a ship is sinking and they lower the lifeboats And hand out the life jackets, the men keep on their coats The women and the children are the ones who must go first And the men who try to save their The End Has Begun Loudon Wainwright III We walk in your footsteps Though I've had my ups and downs And I'll stand in the silence Until I figure it out One might fall and the other will stand And one might give where the other won't bend The Rufus Is A Tit Man Loudon Wainwright III Rufus is a tI' man Suckin' on hI' mamma's gland Suckin' on the nipple It's a sweeter than the ripple wine. Yes its sweeter than the wine. Over The Hill Loudon Wainwright III Once you were a young man, But now you are old - you're over the hill. And you can't cross the palm of time's hand With silver and gold to make him stand still. The Shit Song Loudon Wainwright III When I run into friends of mine I haven`t seen in years They give me the once over then their eyes well up with tears Then they pronounce me looking great I haven`t changed a bit I flash `em back a feeble The Home Stretch Loudon Wainwright III If the day off doesn`t get you Then the bad reviewer does At least you`ve been a has been And not just a never was And you know it`s not a mountain But no mole hill is this big And you promise to quit The Acid Song Loudon Wainwright III Five of us dropped in the girls' room, Psycadilisized insane quintet. Suddenly It's Christmas Loudon Wainwright III There's lights and tinsel in the window They're stocking up the shelves. Santa's slaving at the North Pole In his sweatshop full of elves. Underwear Loudon Wainwright III You know when I know just how much I care When I'm carefully folding your clean underwear I see it's all worth it though sometimes it sure hurts Putting back in the bureau drawer all my t-shirts I find