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A Song Loudon Wainwright III Here's a song For someone else to sing With a universal And generic ring It's all about the same old stuff That you like and can't get enough of How's about a minor chord right here Wasn't that rather The Shit Song Loudon Wainwright III When I run into friends of mine I haven`t seen in years They give me the once over then their eyes well up with tears Then they pronounce me looking great I haven`t changed a bit I flash `em back a feeble The Acid Song Loudon Wainwright III I was adrift in a bar room, Acting like a jerk and a kid. I knew we were asking for trouble, Trouble was what we would get. Five of us dropped in the girls' room, Psycadilisized insane quintet. Drinking Song (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III Drunk men stagger, drunk men fall Drunk men swear and that's not all Quite often they will urinate outdoors Like widowed women, drunk men weep Like children curled up, drunk men sleep Like a dog, a drunk The World Loudon Wainwright III Oh the world is a terrible place Look at the look on your face It says it all This world's appalling And we ache for outer space 'Cause the world is a terrible place And the world is a crappy old hole Pretty Good Day Loudon Wainwright III I slept through the night, I got through to the dawn I flipped a switch and the light went on I got out of bed and I put some clothes on Oh, it's a pretty good day so far I turned the tap, there was cold Tip That Waitress Loudon Wainwright III exits in case of a fire or bomb She knows all the words to the 23rd Psalm She handles her tray with pnash and aplomb Her brother's a Quaker, her dad was in Nam Tip that waitress Tip that waitress, she's Something For Nothing Loudon Wainwright III In love war and cyberspace everything`s fair And it`s ok to steal `coz it`s so nice to share You`re in luck `cos last night it happened again I was feeling creative about twenty to ten So I sharpened a What Are Families For? Loudon Wainwright III She forgets to take a pill Overload is overkill What... what are families for? Talking New Bob Dylan Loudon Wainwright III Hey, Bob Dylan, I wrote you a song Today is your birthday if I'm not wrong If I'm not mistaken, you're 50 today How are you doin', Bob? What do you say? You Never Phone Loudon Wainwright III Sometimes I wonder ow wow ow wow ow wow What you must think of me Then I remember it`s you that you think of exclusively But I`m not gonna bow and scrape And every Don`t know what Martha is saying And I`m a A Father And A Son Loudon Wainwright III Life's no picnic, that's a given: My mom's mom died when my mom was seven; My mom's father was a tragic guy, But he was so distant and nobody knows why. Bein' A Dad Loudon Wainwright III Bein' a dad isn't so bad Except that you gotta feed 'em You gotta shoe 'em and clothe 'em And try not to loathe 'em Bug 'em and hug 'em and heed 'em Bein' a dad can sure make you mad Man it even can drive Grown Man Loudon Wainwright III You got a grown man for a boyfriend, So you better treat him just like a baby. He's a saint on Sunday, he's a bum on Monday; The rest of the week he's just crazy. I'M Alright Loudon Wainwright III Well it's been a long time, glad to see your face I knew we'd meet again another time, another place Can't believe it's been so many years We better grab a chair and a couple of beers You're lookin' good East Indian Princess (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III East Indian princess lives in a western dream Happy like a child, her mother is a queen You know she's safe as a cow on a Calcutta street This English way of life has got that other life beat And reading The Picture Loudon Wainwright III We were sitting outside drawing At a table meant for cards, And it must have been in autumn, Falling leaves in the front yard, With a shoebox full of crayons, Full of colors oh so bright, In a picture Westchester County Loudon Wainwright III I was raised here in Westchester County I was taught in the Country Day School We were richer than most, I don't mean to boast But I swam in the country club pool With a father from Hewlett, Long Island Y2k Loudon Wainwright III A bunch of nerdy brainy guys a long way back Invented a crazy little thing they called the Univac For years now, they've been upgrading that thing It can walk & talk & count & think & it can even sing 1994 Loudon Wainwright III There's been a brand neew breakthrough Though they're not sure what it means We used to blame our parents Now we can pin it on our genes Hey and I'm not talking 501's I don't mean no pair of pants I'm Men Loudon Wainwright III When a ship is sinking and they lower the lifeboats And hand out the life jackets, the men keep on their coats The women and the children are the ones who must go first And the men who try to save their Primrose Hill Loudon Wainwright III Living on the side Of Primrose Hill Drinking cans of Tennants Just can't seem to get my fill Got a beat up guitar And a dirty old sleeping bag And this mangy dog Whose tail don't wag Sun's been shining Mr. Guilty Loudon Wainwright III Call me Mr Guilty, Mr Guilty that's my name Without a doubt it's all my fault, I'm the one to blame You say that you're unhappy I do believe it's true Cause I'm the one, the no good bum That did it all New Paint Loudon Wainwright III t cheat her A woman that kind is hard to find It?s good to take a girl In the not so very good world And walk in the park until it gets dark Sometimes I feel ugly and old Excuse me, baby, if I? Suddenly It's Christmas Loudon Wainwright III Suddenly it's Christmas Right after Hallowe'en Forget about Thanksgiving It's just a buffet in between. There's lights and tinsel in the window They're stocking up the shelves. Rufus Is A Tit Man Loudon Wainwright III Rufus is a tI' man Suckin' on hI' mamma's gland Suckin' on the nipple It's a sweeter than the ripple wine. Yes its sweeter than the wine. Come A Long Way (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III We've come a long way since we last shook hands Still got a long way to go We couldn't see the flowers since we last shook hands Couldn't see the flowers on account of the snow What did you do with your Dilated to Meet You (Album Version) Loudon Wainwright III We're wondering when you will arrive We're wondering what you'll be We're wondering if you'll be a her Or if you'll be a he Maybe you'll arrive today Perhaps tomorrow night We're hoping you won't hurt Cobwebs Loudon Wainwright III "Well it stumbles and it falls off of almost every tongue Give a listen and you'll hear It's workin like a landmine in almost every sentence It's an assault to my mind's ear Yeah it might have started Over The Hill Loudon Wainwright III Once you were a young man, But now you are old - you're over the hill. And you can't cross the palm of time's hand With silver and gold to make him stand still.