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I'm A Weight Watcher Bob Rivers I'm a Weight Watcher, I'm a Weight Watcher, Watchin' food go by. My, my, my. I'm a Weight Watcher, I'm a plate watcher. Here comes a cream pie Mmmm, mmm, mmm. Getting Fatter All The Time Bob Rivers I used to be size 32 and I never gave. My jeans used to fit, I looked cool. Now I'm not the same. Put on a few pounds, my shape's getting round. And lately I can't see my shoes. He's So Jolly Bob Rivers He's so jolly Santa's so jolly Christmas night he's in his sled where he belongs You're looking great, Santa Lost some weight, Santa Red cheeks glowing, ho-ho-ho'ing, you keep growing strong I feel the The Weight Bob Dylan I pulled into Nazareth just a feelin' 'bout a half past dead I just need to find a place where I can lay my head Mister can you tell me where a man might find a bed? Watcher In The Sky Gamma Ray all There`s just emptiness in me Out in the darkness I am going mad Where are the others There`s silence in my head `Cause I`m a watcher in the sky I`ve seen universes die Out in the cold my systems overload Minimum Wage Bob Rivers -Welcome to BurgerDoodle, can I have your order please? -Oh yes. I'd like a Spiffy Burger with low fat cheese and an order of seasoned curly fries but only if they're cooked in virgin peanut oil. Bowel Moves Bob Rivers I was a little too stuffed, had to lose a few pounds, Pants too tight, seams bustin' out. Just had a big burrito with beans and rice, Salsa on top, with some extra spice, Lots of extra spice. Read It In The Tabloids Bob Rivers I bet you're wondering how I knew That Prince Charles and Lady Di were through. Was waiting in line at the grocery store. Took a peek at the dirt about Demi Moore. Middle Age Waistline Bob Rivers (Baba O'Riley - The Who) I eat Mrs. I Came Upon A Roadkill Deer Bob Rivers I came upon a roadkill deer A sorrowful sight to behold He lay upon the highway's edge His body was stiff and cold I bet he never saw the car Careening through the snow The lights shone brightly A Letter To Santa Bob Rivers Dear Santa Claus, It has been brought to my attention by one of our operatives that you have secured for yourself, and your interests, a very lucrative position in the toy and game industry. When A Man Loves A Chicken Bob Rivers When a man loves a chicken He can't keep his mind on nothin' else, He stay in the barn for the good thing he's found. If he is henpecked he can't see it; she can't do no wrong. The Twelve Pains Of Christmas Bob Rivers Oh, I hate those Christmas cards! Hangovers Rigging up these lights! Christmas Party Song Bob Rivers It's Christmas time and I'm in trouble Got too drunk at the company affair Sat on the copier, wore no apparel Did it on a dare Insulted the boss and French-kissed a stranger Pinched his butt poured beer Mr. Magoo Bob Rivers Got a flat in Timbuktu Waiting for AAA And I saw that single headlight through the rain Flagged the geezer in the car down, He was going the wrong way We sped away and left rubber on all four lanes He I Used To Rock And Roll All Night Bob Rivers It covers up a buncha wrinkled skin. You bring the bread, We'll make the gravy. You keep on standin', We'll keep on singin. I used to rock and roll all night But now my hair's turning gray. Beat Up Old Jetliner Bob Rivers Beat-up old jetliner, Hope you got a tune-up today. Ohhhh, beat-up old jetliner, Did they sneak you past the FAA? Bouncin' 'round in a thunder cloud, Landing gear won't come down. Who Put The Stump Bob Rivers Who took and jammed it In my ram-a-lam-a-ding dong? Who stood the wood Where I poop-she-poop-she-poop? Who put the stick Up my hipty-dipty-dip? Who was that man? Flu Ride Bob Rivers box of antihistamines too We'll bring some Kleenex with us And sing a chorus or two Let's let my red nose lead us In a sleigh ride in spite of the flu Hack it up hack it up fling it up let's go Phlegm The Chimney Song Bob Rivers There's something stuck up in the chimney and I don't know what it is, But it's been there all night long. Well, I waited up for Santa all Christmas night But he never came and it don't seem right. How It Feels (To Be Old) Bob Rivers Lately all the songs I write Are slow and on the mellow side. I used to stand on MTV, But now they bring a chair for me. OJ's Trial Thing Bob Rivers O.J., I think you did it. But I wanna know for sure. You expect people to believe that there are people actually playing golf at ten o' clock at night? Ya wanna know what I think? The Twisted Chipmunk Song Bob Rivers Christmas, Christmas time is near Time for toys and time for cheer We've been good, but we can't last Hurry Christmas, hurry fast Want a plane that loops the loop Me, I want a hula hoop We can hardly stand I Am Santa Claus Bob Rivers I am Santa Claus Ho ho ho ho ho Flying Through the snow Can you hear him ho ho ho He's so full of cheer only has to work one day a year Children in their beds Visions of sugar plums fill their heads Watcher In The sky Iron Savior all there`s just emptiness in me Out in the darkness I am going mad Where are the others there`s silence in my head `Cause I`m a watcher in the sky I`ve seen universes die Out in the cold my systems overload There's Another Santa Claus Bob Rivers Santa Claus There's another Santa Claus there Everywhere you look you can't escape There's Santas everywhere Bells are ringing, children screaming Something doesn't seem right His beard is gray, that's a Decorations Bob Rivers I love the colored lights every year And the way the neighbors stop their cars and stare I strap a Santa Claus on my roof Plastic candy canes and reindeer everywhere I'm stringin' up decorations It's straining Wrong Foot Amputated Bob Rivers Wrong foot amputated Wrong foot amputated He got the wrong foot amputated The doctor had compassion he tried to cure my disease I was sweating on the way to the op room gave me sedatives to put me at ease Pokemon Bob Rivers [Pokemon mon mon mon Lots of money mon mon mon Pokemon mon mon mon Lots of Money mon mon mon mon We got to find a pokemon Before it's Christmas Eve The kids must have a Pikachu It's called I do Homeless On the Holidays Bob Rivers Oh there’s food for the homeless on the holidays Cause no matter how filthy or uncombed If you’re down on your luck you can really graze For the holidays we throw those bums a bone I met a man who drank