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He's So Jolly Bob Rivers He's so jolly Santa's so jolly Christmas night he's in his sled where he belongs You're looking great, Santa Lost some weight, Santa Red cheeks glowing, ho-ho-ho'ing, you keep growing strong I feel the There's A Santa Who Looks A Lot Like Elvis Bob Rivers look at the double chin He's weighing about 310 With golden chains and sequined belt below There's a Santa who looks a lot like Elvis Down at the K-Mart store But the scariest sight to see Is that jolly Mr. Magoo Bob Rivers Got a flat in Timbuktu Waiting for AAA And I saw that single headlight through the rain Flagged the geezer in the car down, He was going the wrong way We sped away and left rubber on all four lanes He I Am Santa Claus Bob Rivers I am Santa Claus Ho ho ho ho ho Flying Through the snow Can you hear him ho ho ho He's so full of cheer only has to work one day a year Children in their beds Visions of sugar plums fill their heads All You Need Is Elves Bob Rivers Elves, elves, elves Elves, elves, elves Santa doesn't shop at Toys "R" Us Doesn't have to fight the Christmas rush He's never out of stock of even the hardest toys and games It's easy Nothing in his sack he When A Man Loves A Chicken Bob Rivers When a man loves a chicken He can't keep his mind on nothin' else, He stay in the barn for the good thing he's found. If he is henpecked he can't see it; she can't do no wrong. Officer Fuhrman Bob Rivers He likes to set up colored people. He likes to frame the colored people. Officer Fuhrman driving through Brentwood At night with a glove in his bag, his evidence bag. Walkin' 'Round In Women's Underwear Bob Rivers It holds me so tight, like handcuffs at night. Walking around in womens underwear In the office there's a guy named Melvin. He pretends that I am Murphy Brown. He'll say "Are you ready?" I Came Upon A Roadkill Deer Bob Rivers I came upon a roadkill deer A sorrowful sight to behold He lay upon the highway's edge His body was stiff and cold I bet he never saw the car Careening through the snow The lights shone brightly Who Put The Stump Bob Rivers He shoved it up my can And left me stranded on this Christmas tree. (Yeah ...) When this angel heard Chop-ba-ba-bop, di-chop-ba-ba-bop, A dreadful fear went right into my heart. Wrong Foot Amputated Bob Rivers Wrong foot amputated Wrong foot amputated He got the wrong foot amputated The doctor had compassion he tried to cure my disease I was sweating on the way to the op room gave me sedatives to put me at ease Buttcracker Suite Bob Rivers Magical shorts that disappear Buy your loved one this Noël The kind of gift he can't resell Because it kind of smells If someone else has tried it on Thong! You could be dancing cheek to cheek Thong! O Come All Ye Grateful Dead-Heads Bob Rivers rolling papers Don't forget your sleeping bags Oh come get us some floor seats We followed them for four weeks Oh come get us some floor seats To see the Lord Come all ye hippies Throwbacks to the '60's A Dc Christmas Medley Destiny`s Child (aaaa..u --aauu) Dashing through the snow On a one-horse open sleigh, Over the fields we go, Laughing all the way; Bells on bob-tail ring, making spirits bright, What fun it is to ride and sing The Chimney Song Bob Rivers Well, I waited up for Santa all Christmas night But he never came and it don't seem right. That there's something in the chimney and it doesn't make a sound, But I wish you Merry Christmas. Read It In The Tabloids Bob Rivers They got a picture and he looks all right. And Ross Perot's hanging out with ET. This woman had a kid at a hundred and three. Joy To The World Bob Rivers sounding joy Joy to the world All the boys and girls Joy to the people everywhere you see Joy to you and me Joy to the world All the boys and girls Joy to the people everywhere you see Joy to you and me He Homeless On the Holidays Bob Rivers the homeless on the holidays Cause no matter how filthy or uncombed If you’re down on your luck you can really graze For the holidays we throw those bums a bone I met a man who drank and smelled of pee he Free As A Turd Bob Rivers John wouldn't like this much, We used him as a crutch And now we feel so cheap, so... Please, This song's a turd, I'm not a Travelling Wilbury. Chipmunks Roasting On An Open Fire Bob Rivers And every hungry child is gonna spy To see if chipmunks really sing when they fry And so Im brushing on some honey glaze To keep them crisp and juicy too Lets hope they get served many times many ways Getting Fatter All The Time Bob Rivers It ain't no crime getting so much fatter all the time. I'm getting fatter all the time. Fatter, fatter, fatter. I'm getting fatter all the time. Fatter, fatter, fatter. Minimum Wage Bob Rivers A couple dollars, is just pocket change If I save my dough, For a month or so I couldn't buy a can of coke, It's a joke! Bob Zididada (verse) He hasn't got a single clue he a bit like me and you in surbubia-stonewashed jeans he dosen't know what he really means (brigde) Every single day when he walks to school every single day he try Middle Age Waistline Bob Rivers diet To prove I'm light And I don't peel the skin off of my chicken Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Deep fry Don't exercise And grow that middle age waistline It salivates my glands To smell a fresh roast ham So We Wish You Weren't Living With Us Bob Rivers living with us We wish you weren't living with us We wish you weren't living with us We're not happy you're here You drive everybody crazy You're hopelessly fat and lazy You're constantly in the way here So How It Feels (To Be Old) Bob Rivers So let's get to the point, I'm as mellow as the Doobies. And when I head to the commode, I just pray that I can go. And this must be how it feels, To be old. Jingle Hells Bells Bob Rivers gold chains pinned to brass nipple rings These are a few of my favorite things We like bar fights We like nose rings We like eating snails We always indulge in our favorite things No wonder our skin's so It's The Most Fattening Time Of The Year Bob Rivers straight down to your rear it's the scale flattening time of the year there'll be after meal dosing and arteries closing cholesterol levels will grow it's too cold to go jogging to brisk for tobogganing so Bowel Moves Bob Rivers (Bowel move) Ain't it funny how it takes so much time... (Bowel move) For a bowel move. (Bowel move) I wanna remember; I wanna remember; I wanna remember. There's Another Santa Claus Bob Rivers There's another Santa Claus There's another Santa Claus There's another Santa Claus there One at the mall and one in the window Sitting in a velvet chair Fat ones, skinny ones, tall ones, short ones Cheeks so