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Beat Up Old Jetliner Bob Rivers I'm riding along on this beat-up old plane; Look out the window. All the rivets are rusted. I Used To Rock And Roll All Night Bob Rivers We're gettin' old, We must be crazy. We're puttin' on the makeup again. It covers up a buncha wrinkled skin. You bring the bread, We'll make the gravy. You keep on standin', We'll keep on singin. How It Feels (To Be Old) Bob Rivers This must be how it feels, This must be how it feels, To get old. If I try to play hard rock, It'd probably put me into shock. Don't expect no big drum fills, The drummer's lost his motor skills. He's So Jolly Bob Rivers ho-ho-ho'ing, you keep growing strong I feel the roof shaking That whole house quaking Whenever you grab that sack of toys and slide on in, so Skip that nap, Santa Kids are climbing on that lap, Santa Jolly old The Chimney Song Bob Rivers There's something stuck up in the chimney and I don't know what it is, But it's been there all night long. Well, I waited up for Santa all Christmas night But he never came and it don't seem right. Decorations Bob Rivers I love the colored lights every year And the way the neighbors stop their cars and stare I strap a Santa Claus on my roof Plastic candy canes and reindeer everywhere I'm stringin' up decorations It's straining Flu Ride Bob Rivers 102 Let's take some Alka-Seltzer And a box of antihistamines too We'll bring some Kleenex with us And sing a chorus or two Let's let my red nose lead us In a sleigh ride in spite of the flu Hack it up We Wish You Weren't Living With Us Bob Rivers us We wish you weren't living with us We wish you weren't living with us We're not happy you're here You drive everybody crazy You're hopelessly fat and lazy You're constantly in the way here So pack up Officer Fuhrman Bob Rivers He likes to set up colored people. He likes to frame the colored people. Officer Fuhrman driving through Brentwood At night with a glove in his bag, his evidence bag. The Twelve Pains Of Christmas Bob Rivers The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me Is finding a Christmas tree The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Angry husband: Rigging up the lights And finding a Christmas tree Who Put The Stump Bob Rivers I'd like to find the guy Who done me wrong And stuck my butt up On this Christmas tree. Who put the stump In my rump-ba-bump-ba-bump? Who took and jammed it In my ram-a-lam-a-ding dong? Bowel Moves Bob Rivers Tryin' to move some backed-up drive-through food. Workin' on a bowel move. And it was takin' time. Unhhhhhhhhh. I was up last night tryin' to make some thunder. How long would it take? There's Another Santa Claus Bob Rivers Just saw Santa Claus Just saw Santa Claus Just gave a Santa Claus change Drove downtown and a bell ringing Santa Claus Hit me up again When those sleigh bells jingle jangle On my roof top tonight Will Spinning Reel Bob Rivers (Spinning Wheel - Blood, Sweat & Tears) Rod goes up Line goes out Spinning reel Fishing for trout Casting toward the bubbles and you reel it in Hook a speckled rainbow watch the spinning reel spin You Manger 6 Bob Rivers Why, for just 29 drachma we'll put you up in a warm comfortable stable with plenty of fresh milk for the newborn. Grahbe Yahbalz Bob Rivers balls like Michael Jackson fa la la la la la la la la la Add some pelvic thrusting action fa la la la la la la la la la Don we now our leather jackets fa la la la la la la la la la Pick that crowbar up Buttcracker Suite Bob Rivers line is looking out Somehow you don't admire it So, everybody, please just say no to crack Give all those crack backs a sack If you see a plumber show a breach Or a tubby hubby on a beach Sneak right up When A Man Loves A Chicken Bob Rivers He'll shack up in the hen house with the good thing he's found. When a man loves a chicken People think that he's insane. But all he can do is wing it for the one he loves. Carol Of The Bartenders Bob Rivers Don't drink and drive Don't drink and drive Don't drink and drive Don't let your buddy Budweiser in the car Be a buddy, don't drink and drive If you think you've had a few to many Grab a booth and sober up A Letter To Santa Bob Rivers It would be most unfortunate for you to wake up one morning to find the heads of eight tiny reindeers in bed with you. I am sure you are a reasonable man, and this will not be necessary Old Rivers Walter Brennan OLD RIVERS Walter Brennan Words and music by Crofford (that's all I wrote at the time I transcribed it -- years ago) HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE I FIRST SEEN OLD RIVERS? Wreck The Malls Bob Rivers O Come All Ye Grateful Dead-Heads Bob Rivers Foreigners Bob Rivers Joy To The World Bob Rivers It's The Most Fattening Time Of The Year Bob Rivers There's A Santa Who Looks A Lot Like Elvis Bob Rivers All You Need Is Elves Bob Rivers Minimum Wage Bob Rivers Free As A Turd Bob Rivers