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A Letter To Santa Bob Rivers Dear Santa Claus, It has been brought to my attention by one of our operatives that you have secured for yourself, and your interests, a very lucrative position in the toy and game industry. There's Another Santa Claus Bob Rivers There's another Santa Claus There's another Santa Claus There's another Santa Claus there Everywhere you look you can't escape There's Santas everywhere Bells are ringing, children screaming Something There's A Santa Who Looks A Lot Like Elvis Bob Rivers There's a Santa who looks a lot like Elvis The King of Rock and Roll Take a look at the double chin He's weighing about 310 With golden chains and sequined belt below There's a Santa who looks a lot like I Am Santa Claus Bob Rivers I am Santa Claus Ho ho ho ho ho Flying Through the snow Can you hear him ho ho ho He's so full of cheer only has to work one day a year Children in their beds Visions of sugar plums fill their heads He's So Jolly Bob Rivers He's so jolly Santa's so jolly Christmas night he's in his sled where he belongs You're looking great, Santa Lost some weight, Santa Red cheeks glowing, ho-ho-ho'ing, you keep growing strong I feel the The Chimney Song Bob Rivers Well, I waited up for Santa all Christmas night But he never came and it don't seem right. That there's something in the chimney and it doesn't make a sound, But I wish you Merry Christmas. Decorations Bob Rivers I love the colored lights every year And the way the neighbors stop their cars and stare I strap a Santa Claus on my roof Plastic candy canes and reindeer everywhere I'm stringin' up decorations It's straining Wreck The Malls Bob Rivers "Wreck the malls this Christmas season Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la Blow your cash for no good reason Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la Push your charge card to the limit Fa-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la Checkbook Chipmunks Roasting On An Open Fire Bob Rivers Everybody knows some pepper and a garlic clove Help to make them seasoned right Tiny rats with a crisp golden coat Will really hit the spot tonight And now when Santa sees his tray (Ho ho ho ho ho All You Need Is Elves Bob Rivers Elves, elves, elves Elves, elves, elves Elves, elves, elves Santa doesn't shop at Toys "R" Us Doesn't have to fight the Christmas rush He's never out of stock of even the hardest toys and games It's easy SANTA-FE Bob Dylan SANTA-FE Santa-Fe, Dear, dear, dear, dear, dear Santa-Fe, My woman needs it ev'ryday, She promised this a-lad she'd stay, She's rollin' up a lotta bread To toss away. Sock It To Me Santa Bob Seger Come on jump up, ohhhh Sock it to me Santa, you know what I like Sock it to me Santa, just bring me a bike Christmas just won't be a drag, Santa's got a brand new bag Don't you dare let those children Santa Claus Is Coming To Town (Album Version) Bob Hannon You better watch out You better not cry You better not pout I'm telling you why Santa Claus is comin' to town Santa Claus is comin' to town Santa Claus is comin' to town yeah~ He's making a list He's Pokemon Bob Rivers [Pokemon mon mon mon Lots of money mon mon mon Pokemon mon mon mon Lots of Money mon mon mon mon We got to find a pokemon Before it's Christmas Eve The kids must have a Pikachu It's called I do The Twelve Pains Of Christmas Bob Rivers The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me Is finding a Christmas tree The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me: Angry husband: Rigging up the lights And finding a Christmas tree Here Comes Santa Claus Bob Dylan Here Comes Santa Claus - Bob Dylan (밥 딜런) Here comes Santa Claus Here comes Santa Claus Right down Santa Claus Lane Vixen, Blitzen And all his reindeer Pulling on the reins Bells are ringing Children Christmas Party Song Bob Rivers "The boss's friend is gay" More beer for you and for me And stories for us to share No fear, I jumped on a desk And danced while everyone stared I didn't even know I put on a show Till next morning take Officer Fuhrman Bob Rivers He likes to set up colored people. He likes to frame the colored people. Officer Fuhrman driving through Brentwood At night with a glove in his bag, his evidence bag. Free As A Turd Bob Rivers It's a piece of crap to me Can hardly hear the words... Whatever happened to, The rights to Love me Do? We made Michael Jackson one rich mother. I Used To Rock And Roll All Night Bob Rivers It covers up a buncha wrinkled skin. You bring the bread, We'll make the gravy. You keep on standin', We'll keep on singin. I used to rock and roll all night But now my hair's turning gray. I'm A Weight Watcher Bob Rivers I'm a Weight Watcher, I'm a Weight Watcher, Watchin' food go by. My, my, my. I'm a Weight Watcher, I'm a plate watcher. Here comes a cream pie Mmmm, mmm, mmm. I Came Upon A Roadkill Deer Bob Rivers I came upon a roadkill deer A sorrowful sight to behold He lay upon the highway's edge His body was stiff and cold I bet he never saw the car Careening through the snow The lights shone brightly Bowel Moves Bob Rivers I was a little too stuffed, had to lose a few pounds, Pants too tight, seams bustin' out. Just had a big burrito with beans and rice, Salsa on top, with some extra spice, Lots of extra spice. Middle Age Waistline Bob Rivers Fields I snack between meals You can see my crack above my Levis I don't need to diet To prove I'm light And I don't peel the skin off of my chicken Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Deep fry Don't exercise And Flu Ride Bob Rivers a box of antihistamines too We'll bring some Kleenex with us And sing a chorus or two Let's let my red nose lead us In a sleigh ride in spite of the flu Hack it up hack it up fling it up let's go Phlegm Buttcracker Suite Bob Rivers You could be dancing cheek to cheek Thong! Wiggle the string: play hide and seek Buy your workmate or your boss The proctologic dental floss That really works a hair across His astronomic bum Thong! Wrong Foot Amputated Bob Rivers Wrong foot amputated Wrong foot amputated He got the wrong foot amputated The doctor had compassion he tried to cure my disease I was sweating on the way to the op room gave me sedatives to put me at ease Getting Fatter All The Time Bob Rivers I used to be size 32 and I never gave. My jeans used to fit, I looked cool. Now I'm not the same. Put on a few pounds, my shape's getting round. And lately I can't see my shoes. Mr. Magoo Bob Rivers pulled a quick u-turn, And hit a pickup from Montana While plowin' down a fire hydrant too Windshield wipers slappin' time As he committed several traffic crimes This man's like a one man wreckin' crew How It Feels (To Be Old) Bob Rivers I used to stand on MTV, But now they bring a chair for me. Let me get a tube of ointment Let's rub my achy joints, And turn my hearing aid loud, And throw Depends into the crowd.