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ode to my car Adam Sandler Here we go Piece of shit car I got a piece of shit car That fuckin' pile of shit Never gets me very far My car's a big piece of shit 'Cause the shocks are fucking shot And my seatbelt's fucking Cool Guy 5 Adam Sandler [Sean pulling up in his car to a hooker] [GIRL #5:] Hey, honey. [SEAN:] S'up baby? Looking all smooth, standing on the corner at 3 in the morning and shit. You cold, baby? Memory Lane Adam Sandler screeches, he drops out of the car] [M4:] "Hey, screw you guys I am who I am deal with it" [M1:] "I'm glad we got rid of him his was a wierdo" [M3:] "Oh my God, that was a little out there, hey Toll Booth Willie Adam Sandler Car approaches] Toll Booth Willie: "Welcome to Worchester. Dollar twenty-five please." M1: "Hey, how ya doin' Toll Booth Willie?" Toll Booth Willie: "Good! Thanks fer askin, pop!" The Buffoon and the Valedictorian Adam Sandler Buffoon: "That girl in the fucking car in front of us, she gives everybody head." Valedictorian: "Well, I guess she's strong for attention and she feels promiscuity is the only way to obtain it." Forgetful Lucy Adam Sandler La-woo-kee-low is the place Where I first saw your face We liked each other right away But you didn’t remember me the very next day Forgetful Lucy Has got a nice caboose-ie I used to trick you The Adventures Of The Cow Adam Sandler the chicken hot drivethru and then gets halfway home before realising they forgot his french fries" [Cow opening paper bag] [Cow:] Moo,moo [Car screeches, and turns back around] [Cow:] Mrr "And now a Best Friend Adam Sandler When I'm at the bus stop and you drive by in your mom's car You tell me the bus already left Cause you're my best friend! Dee Wee (My Friend The Massive Idiot) Adam Sandler He said he'd be here at seven The clock just hit 7:22 It's too cold outside To wait for my ride Watching mama try out a new doo (Bruins) He said he'd be here at seven But it just hit 7:35 (already?) Teenage Love on the Phone Adam Sandler Do you wanna meet Samantha: "Umm, well my brother gets the car on Friday nights." Richie: "Well that's ok, I'll come by and get you. Lets say around..." [She hangs up phone] Richie: "Come on.." Inner Voice Adam Sandler A god among men, only without the tan It's simple, every time I have to make a choice I just listen to my little inner voice, and he says "Shave all the hair off your butt and glue it to your nostrils" Do It For Your Mama Adam Sandler I'm just going to put some on my face so I don't get sunburnt." Momma: "Smart thinking honey. And while yer at it you can put some on your brother's ding dong and knock around his nuts for him." Sex Or Weight Lifting Adam Sandler My name's Gregory Miner. [Adam Sandler:] Oh terrific. My name's Barry Lakin. [Man:] Uh huh [Adam Sandler:] And let me tell you what I did man. Welcome My Son Adam Sandler Welcome my son to your very first day So proud to be the one who brought you this way I love you with all my heart And my love is here to stay But I can't help worrying will you eventually smoke weed? corduroy blues Adam Sandler When I was a boy There was no limit to what I could eat Shake after shake after shake after shake Followed by all kinds of red meat Metabolism runnin' around so fast My body never gained to weight four years old Adam Sandler Hey Why'd you wake me from my nap? I'm not in the mood To play your games Or sit on your lap You Where's my Yankees drinking glass? the lonesome kicker Adam Sandler Me, I'm the Lonesome Kicker Extra points, field goals at your service One might think it comes with glory You might think different after you listen to my story My helmet is equipped with a tiny The Lonesome Kicker (Album Version) Adam Sandler Me, i'm the lonesome kicker Extra points, field goals at your service One might think it comes with glory You might think different after you listen to my story My helmet is equipped with a tiny face at a medium place Adam Sandler Put your arms around me baby Can't you see I need you so Hold me close against your skin I'm about to begin Lovin' you Spit on your hand and stroke my cock At a medium pace Play with my balls Whitey Adam Sandler Whitey: Oh they day cant begin Till the gard lets me in Then I walk for some exersise In less then a snap I complete my daily lap Then it's time to SOCILIZE I see Raidy and Ruth at the Information Booth The Mule Session Adam Sandler My girlfriend left me for a seven foot Indian My grandma hung herself on a tree in the Caribbean My sister's on the dope and my brother always picks his nose And Daddy's only happy when he's wearing Mama's Mr. Bake-O Adam Sandler I'm sit'n in my chair Watching my TV It's not even on But theres plenty for me to see I just lit, some crazy ass shit That my friend overnight mailed to me I'm fuckin wasted It's the best shit i ever tasted Cool Guy 4 Adam Sandler [Sean presses 'play' button on tape player] [SEAN:] My name's Sean, I want to get it on. [GIRL #4:] Ooh. my little chicken Adam Sandler When I'm feeling down And feeling sad You come around And make me glad I got you Oh, my little chicken I love your feet I love your breasts I love the way you eat gravel To help you digest At a Medium Pace Adam Sandler Hold me close against your skin, 'Cause I'm about to begin Lovin' you. Spit on your hand and stroke my cock at a medium pace. Play with my balls and tell me how big they are. Crazy Love Adam Sandler And you don't have a problem with me when I follow people I've never met before and force them to look at the portrait of Neil Diamond I have tattooed on my back [Adam:] It's very pretty, baby [Both:] mr. bake Adam Sandler I'm sitting in my chair watching the TV It's not even on but there's plenty for me to see I just lit some crazy ass shit that my friend overnight mailed to me I'm fucking wasted It's the best Secret Adam Sandler There's something I know That no one else does You want me to tell you what it is? Pibb Tries The Skateboarding Adam Sandler Snug as a bug in a rug playin Dig Dug, my friend! Uh huh... I'm all set to give this skitchboard a whirl! Okay, we should really put a helmet on you first... the thanksgiving song Adam Sandler [Starts playing] Love to eat turkey Love to eat turkey Shout from Crowd: "I love you Adam!" Adam Sandler: "Ohhh, I love you!"