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Do It For Your Mama Adam Sandler Put down your sandwhich and beat off your cock and balls for a little bit. Pace yourself." Jimmy: "Oh god." Momma: "Tracy, do you want some fruit or a sandwhich?" Dancin` And Pantsin` Adam Sandler rub your belly Jiggle your droopy balls with singin' Lou Rawis Bounce off the walls, then jiggle them droopy balls Grind your hips with the blond guy from CHIPS Lick your lips Stroke it clean with Pickin' Daisies Adam Sandler mom knows i'm fakin' it, but she understands what'll happen if i go the last four days the tough guys have been on a roll (they show him no mercy) plenty of name calling and pushing my head in the toilet Cool Guy 4 Adam Sandler [SEAN:] What's your name, baby? [GIRL #4:] Desiree. [SEAN:] Ohh, what a nice name for a nice girl, such as your self. [GIRL #4:] What's your name? The Excited Southerner Meets Mel Gibson Adam Sandler [Adam Sandler:] And now the excited Southerner gets to meet his favorite film actor, Mel Gibson. [Man:] Mr. Gibson? Sex Or Weight Lifting Adam Sandler [Adam Sandler:] Alright, that's good enough. My name's Barry Lakin. [Man:] Nice to meet you Barry. [Adam Sandler:] Terrific. What I'm gonna do now is play a tape for you. Cool Guy 1 Adam Sandler [SEAN:] you got it going on strong, baby. Skin so soft and hair so right. [GIRL:] I think you're nice too, sean. [SEAN:] Let me take off this shirt of yours and see that beauty mama has given you. What The Hell Happened To Me? Adam Sandler I only did the things that Mama said I should. But now I just do whatever I want. I even whipped it out in a restaurant. I used to help clean the park in the middle of town. The Excited Southerner Gets Pulled Over Adam Sandler [Adam Sandler:] And now the excited Southerner gets pulled over by a cop. [Cop:] Do you realize how fast you were going sir? bad boyfriend Adam Sandler Why don't you pick up after your done? I'm not your slave I'm not your mother I'm not your maid I mean I've got a life too So fuck you! Why can't you be nicer to my friend? Calling Home Adam Sandler Does your roommate do ecstasy or snort heroine? I didn't ask him, mom... Well, if he does, tell him you're not interested... Not because you're a nerd, but say it gives you bad diareah(?) She Comes Home To Me Adam Sandler stuff three cocks in her cheek But she comes home to me She'll do the groom and the best man She'll slap your ass in the back of a van But she comes home to me She could fuck nine guys in a row But still Joining The Cult Adam Sandler Sandler: " I wanted to watch Monday Night Football and you wanted to watch that other show and we watched your show I did that for you!" Allen: "Yeah, well, you kept flippin' back to the game." The Boss And The Secretary Adam Sandler Damn straight you'll be right in What do you need, sir? What do I need? Inner Voice Adam Sandler A god among men, only without the tan It's simple, every time I have to make a choice I just listen to my little inner voice, and he says "Shave all the hair off your butt and glue it to your nostrils" Dee Wee (My Friend The Massive Idiot) Adam Sandler He said he'd be here at seven The clock just hit 7:22 It's too cold outside To wait for my ride Watching mama try out a new doo (Bruins) He said he'd be here at seven But it just hit 7:35 (already?) Toll Booth Willie Adam Sandler F1: "Well, I was just wondering exactly which is the best way to drive up your ass. You know, if you'd tell me, I'd appreciate it, you fuckin' prick." Secret (Orange Factory's 'Shhh Don't Tell Club') Adam Sandler Things haven't been the same Since you came into my life You found a way to touch my soul And I'm never, ever, ever gonna let it go Happiness lies in your own hand It took me much too long to understand The Buffoon and the Dean of Admissions Adam Sandler Dean: "Well Michael, I would like to extend my warmest congradulations on your upcoming graduation and I understand you are interested in matriculating here in the fall." Hot Water Burn Baby Adam Sandler Your mom's coming home from the hospital with your new baby sister. [Ryan:] baby sister [Father:] That's right, baby sister. Sid & Alex Adam Sandler Alex, Alex, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for remembering, thank you. My pleasure. Did you do anything fun today? Nothing special. Memory Lane Adam Sandler M1:] "Hey, it's great to have us all out on a road trip again this is gonna be fun" [all agree] [M2:] "Whoa,do you smell that skunk" [All:] "Yeah [M2:] "You know, even though it stinks it kinda reminds Pibb Goes Surfing Adam Sandler Pibb It wasn't too painful a paddle out here to the big waves as you like to call em, Sonny! Didn't look it Actually, it was a nice wake-me-up for my laticerace muscles Water's pretty nice, huh? four years old Adam Sandler I'm not in the mood To play your games Or sit on your lap You Where's my Yankees drinking glass? dip doodle Adam Sandler skip to my lou Flim flam wham blam Sam bam Cunningham whack snack koochie koochie koo Plus you gotta dip, you gotta doodle, you gotta eat Grandma's stroodle 'Cause she stayed up all night to make it lunchlady land Adam Sandler gets enough food Down here in Lunchlady Land Well yesterday's meatloaf is today's sloppy joes And my breath reeks of tuna And there's lots of black hairs coming out of my nose In Lunchlady Land your Oh Mom... Adam Sandler F2: "Hey mom, I saw this great skirt at the mall today, but it was $34, which isn't that high of a price, but I was nervous to buy it. What do you think? Mom: "NOOO!!" F2: "Really? Pibb Tries The Skateboarding Adam Sandler Well... helmet has the word 'hell' in it, and I don't know about you, sonny, but I ain't no sinner... No, you're not... zitty van zittles Adam Sandler Well, I had myself a girlfrield For almost two whole years We had no secrets We had no fears There was nothing we wouldn't do When we were in the sack She'd even pop the zit on my back But one steve polychronopolous Adam Sandler - "Polychronopolous" I'm a big fuckin' dick I'm a pain in your ass I drink all your beer I'll eat the last slice I'll give you charley horses I'll pull your shorts down at the beach I always