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Cool Guy 2 Adam Sandler [GIRL #2:] Yeah, the waves are so calming. [SEAN:] So, is your body looking like michaelangelo made you or some shit. [GIRL #2:] Thanks Sean, that's so sweet. Cool Guy 4 Adam Sandler [Sean groans] [CALL GIRL #2: {To Girl #4}] Your kidding? [GIRL #4: {To other call girl}] And his sweet-meat. [CALL GIRL #2: {To Girl #4}] That's so gross. [she hangs up] [SEAN:] No. Cool Guy 1 Adam Sandler Cool Guy 5 Adam Sandler food innuendo guy Adam Sandler I'm your food innuendo guy, your food innuendo guy Baby, baby, baby, you got honeydew melons Baby, baby, baby, can't you see my brocolli swelin Oh baby, baby, baby, I wanna taste your watercress The Cheerleader Adam Sandler And we're gonna win 'cause we're the -" Guy in crowd: "Sit down!" Cheerleader: "You guys are assholes!" [Whining] "You think this is easy being a cheerleader!? moyda Adam Sandler Schnine He's a pretty good guy He's nice to his neighbors You can count on him to buy your school candy bars He's a real nic guy He's always got the jumper cables He'll take your mail in when you're bad boyfriend Adam Sandler By the way, would it be cool to go golfing tommorrow? Fuck you! I was just kidding, I wanna hang out with you Why don't you ever take me to a play? Or a museum? The Excited Southerner At A Job Interview Adam Sandler [Adam Sandler:] And now the excited Southerner has a job interview. [Man:] So why don't you tell me why you would be an asset to this company. Do It For Your Mama Adam Sandler Guy said I'm getting fat." Momma: "What? You look beautiful honey. He's crazy." the chanukah song part ii Adam Sandler What a funky bad ass Jew We got Harvey Keitel And flash dancer Jennifer Beals Yasmine Bleeth from Baywatch is Jewish And yes her boobs are real Put on your yarmulka Its time for Chanukah 2 Gay Robot Adam Sandler Yeah, yeah, cool, we're all just hangin out... Alright Bye-bye... Who was that, some chicks? Nah, it was my neighbor, his robot's comin over What? Joining The Cult Adam Sandler Sounds of Basketball being shot around] Sandler: "Hey man, I'm joining a religious cult." Allen: "Now, that's ridiculous." Sandler: "Well, I'm joining it, so you gotta sign up too." Somebody kill me Adam Sandler But it all was bullshit, it was a goddamn joke, and when i think of you and that guy I hope you fucking choke I hope your glad with what you've done to me I lay in bed every night feeling melancholy Buddy Adam Sandler "It's cool Dude" [Two more guys enter] "Hey Homey's" "What's up Homeys?" "Hey Buddy" "What's up Dude?" The Excited Southerner Gets Pulled Over Adam Sandler [Adam Sandler:] And now the excited Southerner gets pulled over by a cop. [Cop:] Do you realize how fast you were going sir? Teenage Love on the Phone Adam Sandler Is it a guy!?" Samantha: "Richie!" Richie: "I knew it! I'll kill him! Put him on the phone!" Samantha: "oh.. it's just.. hold on." [Hands phone to guy] Richie: "Hey man! Memory Lane Adam Sandler [M2:] "Hey, it reminds me of that rich girl I went out with and when her dad went out of town we fooled around in his jucuzzi" [all agree] [M3:] "It also reminds me of the time I saw a 60 year old guy Welcome My Son Adam Sandler But time keeps on going And you keep on growin' You're now six years old You're getting so good at your spellin' But my mind is always dwellin' On the fact that you could be the kind of guy Who grows up at a medium place Adam Sandler between my legs Call me an ugly woman And take my picture to show All the people you work with Now pull up my scrotum And take the shampoo bottle Out of my ass Pretend I'm the pizza delivery guy zitty van zittles Adam Sandler I'll give you ten dollars If you're a girl in this lonely world And you're looking for a guy I'll never cheat again, I promise That's no lie There's only one thing I ask of you Could we name our At a Medium Pace Adam Sandler Pretend I'm the pizza delivery guy and Watch me whack off. Strap on a dildo and make me give you head. Now tell me slow down and do it at a medium pace. I feel so humiliated. mr. bake Adam Sandler the best shit I've ever tasted My brain's been erased-ed Well fucking fried I'm sitting in the bathtub wanting something to eat I wanted a pizza the bird said Pepperoni would be sweet Delivery guy Zittly Van Zittles Adam Sandler i'll give you ten dollars if you're a girl in this lonely world and you're lookin' for a guy i'll never cheat again, i promise that's no lie there's only one thing i ask of you, could we name our first I'm so Wasted Adam Sandler Guy walks across grass] [Joe:] "Hey pal! How ya doin?" [M2:] "I'm so wasted, man." [Joe:] "Yeah, you are, oh ho ho!" [M2:] "Thanks man." [Joe:] "It's good party, huh?" [M2:] "Oh, it's great man." Mr. Bake-O Adam Sandler Now, where sitten in the bath tub Want'n sumpthin to eat I wanted a pizza and the bird said Uh.. pepperoni would be sweet Delivery guy showed up four hours later And handed me his shoe I said we ordered The Mule Session Adam Sandler After several well-publicized arrests for public urination he now drinks exclusively O'Doul And every year he puts on a presentation at the Boys Club to show kids smoking isn't cool His favorite Elvis sweat beatrice Adam Sandler She's my sweet Beatrice And she's coming home I got a picture of her down by the seashore Wearing a bikini made of purple velour Her hair's up like Conway Twitty's pompadour With the smile of Guy Sweet Beatrice Adam Sandler She's my sweet Beatrice And, she's coming home I got a picture of her down by the seashore Wearing a bikini made of purple velour Her hair's up like Conway Twitty's pompadour With the smile of Guy Dancin` And Pantsin` Adam Sandler with Liza Minelli Covered in jelly, you're gonna rub your belly Jiggle your droopy balls with singin' Lou Rawis Bounce off the walls, then jiggle them droopy balls Grind your hips with the blond guy