Your Horoscope For Today "Weird Al" Yankovic

The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep That's your horoscope for today (that's your horoscope for today) That's your horoscope for today That's your

Callin` In Sick Weird Al Yankovic

Hit my snooze alarm for the 27th time Just don't feel like goin' to work - I think I'll call my boss, then I'm Gonna hack and cough and wheeze Swear I've got some strange disease What's that little

Callin' In Sick Weird Al Yankovic

Hit my snooze alarm for the 27th time Just don't feel like goin' to work - I think I'll call my boss, then I'm Gonna hack and cough and wheeze Swear I've got some strange disease What's that little twerp

When I Was Your Age Weird Al Yankovic

When I was your age When I was your age.

King of Suede Weird Al Yankovic

[King Of Pain/The Police/1983] There's a sale on our gabardine suits today. They're all thirty percent off from yesterday. There's Fortrel polyester, leather, wool and tweed.

King Of Suede Weird Al Yankovic

There's a sale on our gabardine suits today. They're all thirty percent off from yesterday. There's Fortrel polyester, leather, wool and tweed.

Fast Food Weird Al Yankovic

How about making a run for the border How about me deserving a break today How about getting some fries with my order How about finally letting me have it my way Thank you Burger King Thank you

Theme from Rocky XIII Weird Al Yankovic

Have a taste, they were made fresh today. Try the rye or the kaiser or the wheat or the white. Maybe I can suggest an appetizer. Stay away from the tuna, it smells funny tonight.

Confessions Part III Weird Al Yankovic

Watch this These are my confessions Just when I thought I said all I can say I came up with more secrets to tell you today These are my confessions Slipped my mind the last two times, silly me So

weenie in a bottle Weird Al Yankovic

true I wanted to hump something, I didn't know what to do It seemed like a good idea, and no-one else was around I stuck my weenie in a bottle, and now I can't get it out (stuck my weenie in a bottle today

Livin' In The Fridge Weird Al Yankovic

There's something weird in the fridge today I don't know what it is Food I can't recognize My roommate won't throw a thing away I guess it's probably his It looks like it's alive...

The Hot Rocks Polka Weird Al Yankovic

Ain't it stra-a-ange, If I could win, if I could sing A love song so divine, Would it be enough for your cheating heart If I broke down and cried? If I cri-i-ied?

UHF Weird Al Yankovic

UHF Put down your remote control, throw out your TV guide. Put away your jacket, there's no need to go outside. Don't you know that we control the horizontal. We control the vertical, too.

Toothless People Weird Al Yankovic

Stand up...get on your feet!

Dare To Be Stupid Weird Al Yankovic

Put down your chainsaw and listen to me It's time for us to join in the fight It's time to let your babies grow up to be cowboys It's time to let the bedbugs bite You better put all your eggs in

Like A Surgeon Weird Al Yankovic

Hey, like a surgeon, Cuttin' for the very first time. Like a surgeon, Organ transplants are my line. Better give me all your gauze, nurse, This patient's fading fast.

Foil Weird Al Yankovic

I never seem to finish all my food I always get a doggie bag from the waiter So I just keep what's still unchewed And I take it home, save it for later But then I deal with fungal rot, bacterial formation

Born To Be Mild Weird Al Yankovic

Get your program running Head out to the center Terminals are waiting For the data that you'll enter Everybody says that you're a nerd, but They should know that you just don't care Got your

Mr. Popeil Weird Al Yankovic

Need your assistance on the double. Oh no! Now how am I gonna make My old vinyl car top look like new? Mr. Popeil! Tell me, what am I s'posed to do? Mr. Popeil! Mr. Popeil!

Trapped In The Drive - Thru Weird Al Yankovic

Well I checked my caller ID It was just cousin Larry Callin' for the third time today... My wife said "Let it go to voicemail." I said, "OK." "Where were we?

Baby Likes Burping Weird Al Yankovic

arms so close she goes [burps] And out in public it's embarrassing She'll burp at anyone or anything She's so revolting and disgusting And repulsive to me, yeah My little lady's so obnoxious Today

Polka Party! Weird Al Yankovic

I want to be: your sledgehammer. I can be your friend. I want to be your sledgehammer. This can be your testimony, yeah.

Slime Creatures from Outer Space Weird Al Yankovic

Run for your lives! (Slime Creatures from Outer Space.) (Slime Creatures from Outer Space.) They're not very nice to the human race. (Slime Creatures from Outer Space.)

Pretty Fly For A Rabbi Yankovic, "Weird Al"

Oy vey, oy vey And all the goyim say I'm pretty fly for a rabbi Meccha leccha hi, meccha hiney hiney ho Our temple's had a fair share of rabbis in the past But most of 'em were nudniks and none

Pretty Fly For A Rabbi "Weird Al" Yankovic

Oy vey, oy vey And all the goyim say I'm pretty fly for a rabbi Meccha leccha hi, meccha hiney hiney ho Our temple's had a fair share of rabbis in the past But most of 'em were nudniks and none

Free Delivery Weird Al Yankovic

you're hungry You're craving some pizza Let me be the one that you call Olive or anchovy Perhaps pepperoni Anything you want, we've got it all Near, far, I'll jump in my car You just call in your

Stop Dragging My Car Around Weird Al Yankovic

[Stop Draggin' My Heart Around/Stevie Nicks with Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers/1981] Had to park my car for just five minutes. I had to go inside to use the phone.

Jackson Park Express Weird Al Yankovic

hair is beautiful I bet it smells like raisins She looked at me in a way that asked Did you have a nose job or something I'm only asking, cause your nose looks slightly better Than the rest of your face

Spatula City Weird Al Yankovic

There's just one place to go for all your spatula needs: Spatula City! Spatula City! A giant warehouse of spatulas for every occasion. Thousands to choose from, in every shape, size and color.

Christmas at Ground Zero Weird Al Yankovic

It's Christmas at Ground Zero The button has been pressed The radio just let us know That this is not a test Everywhere the atom bombs are droppin' It's the end of all humanity No more time for

Melanie Weird Al Yankovic

I saw her in the shower reaching for some soap. I knew she had to be the girl for me, and to think I probably never would have found her, If I hadn't bought that telescope.

Such a Groovy Guy Weird Al Yankovic

Baby, are you in the mood for a little romance? Well, for starters I could pour some chocolate pudding down your pants. And then attach electrodes to your brain, and watch you dance.

Handy Weird Al Yankovic

is rusted rusted Termite problem making you disgusted yuck When your front window is busted hey hey hey Just one man that's always trusted I'm so handy, you already know I'll fix your plumbing when your

Eat It Weird Al Yankovic

other kids are starving in Japan So eat it, just eat it Don't want to argue, I don't want to debate Don't want to hear about what kind of food you hate You won't get no dessert 'till you clean off your

Virus Alert Weird Al Yankovic

"Weird Al" Yankovic - Virus Alert Hey, everyone, listen up, your attention if you please We wanna give you a warning 'Cause I found out this morning About a dangerous, insidious computer virus If

NOW That's What I Call Polka! Weird Al Yankovic

We clawed, we chained our hearts in vain We jumped never asking why We kissed, I fell under your spell A love no one could deny Don't you ever say I just walked away I will always want you I can't live

Wanna B Ur Lovr Weird Al Yankovic

WANNA BE UR LOVR By Al Yankovic I don't have a library card But do you mind if I check you out?

Phony Calls Weird Al Yankovic

Mom and dad are goin' out for the evening And you're stuck inside the house all alone That's when you decide it might be fun to harrassomeone Dial a random number up on your telephone You ask if their

She Drives Like Crazy Weird Al Yankovic

Got your license from Cracker Jacks. You just hit another tree. These fender benders are killin' me. She drives like crazy. Like no one else. She drives like crazy.

I Lost On Jeopardy Weird Al Yankovic

I took Potpourri for one hundred, And then my head started to spin. Well, I'm givin' up. Don Pardo, Just tell me now what I didn't win, Yeah, yeah. I lost on Jeopardy, Baby, (Oooh.)

Couch Potato Weird Al Yankovic

[Intro] Look, if you had one shot To sit on your lazy butt And watch all the TV you ever wanted Until your brain turned to mush Would you go for it or just let it slip?

Couch Potato (Parody of "Lose Yourself" by Eminem) Weird Al Yankovic

Look - if you had - one shot - To sit on your lazy butt And watch all the TV you ever wanted Until your brain turned to mush Would you go for it Or just let it slip?

Polka Power "Weird Al" Yankovic

I'm not well And I'm so hot, 'cause I'm in hell I'm not sick, but I'm not well And it's a sin (yes it's a sin) to live so well Ghetto superstar - that is what you are Coming from afar, reaching for

I'm So Sick Of You Weird Al Yankovic

You tell a joke and forget the punchline Why you always wastin' my time Hey baby, trust me, you just disgust me Your hair's a mess and your make-up's crusty I don't know too many females Who make a habit

Word Crimes Weird Al Yankovic

now you find That people mock you online Okay, now here's the deal I'll try to educate ya Gonna familiarize You with the nomenclature You'll learn the definitions Of nouns and prepositions Literacy's your

Whatever You Like Weird Al Yankovic

play Cribbage all night and baby you can have whatever you like(If you like) I said you can have whatever you like(If you like) yeah, yeah I can take you to the laundromat downtown and whatch al

Albuquerque [1] Weird Al Yankovic

in the corner of the basement half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop You know the place well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy Except, of course, for

The Plumbing Song Weird Al Yankovic

Baby, I sure wish I could lend you a hand But plumbing's one thing I don't understand It's true (haven't got a clue) B-b-b-baby, I can tell you've got a big problem When I flush the john, then your

Craigslist Weird Al Yankovic

You've got a 65 Chevy Malibu With automatic drive, a custom paint job too I'll trade you for my old wheelbarrow And a slightly-used sombrero And I'll even throw in a stapler, if you insist Craigslist I'm

White And Nerdy Weird Al Yankovic

Jock skills I'm a champion of D&D MC Escher that's my favorite MC Keep your 40, I'll just have an Earl Grey tea My rims never spin to the contrary You'll find they're quite stationary All of my action