Right Hand me down that bottle of tequila from the shelf
I'll have a beer to follow and all, here take one for yerself
I've been off the piss for ten long years and I've a bloody thirst
And I won't be leavin' here until you carry me feet first
'Til I've tripped over the speakers and I've fallen through the band
And told the chubby bouncer 'geeza shout if ye need a hand'
I'm screamin o'er the bar and I'm spittin' in yer ear
And signin' wi' my hands for ya to geez another beer
Me old ball and chain is in a shallow grave
So hit me, ONE, TWO, ONE TWO THREE FOUR
I don't have to suffer anymore
'Til I've kicked shit out yer jukebox and broken all yer darts
and talked the friggin ears off my reflection in the glass
I've spewed all down the front o' me and pissed all down me leg
And I'm propped up in the corner like a fuckin' rusty keg
'Til I'm snorin' like a chainsaw and I'm layin there catchin' flies
And you ye cheeky bugger pops two pennies in me eyes
God love ye and protect ye, get yer knees up Missus Brown
She's topped her flamin' hubby and she's torn up half the town